Call me Drew, call me a geek, call me a freak for all I care! Either way, this post is not going to score me any points with the ladies due to the European nature of the topic. Perhaps this post will brand me very guy-esque, but that’s the risk I am going to take in order to spread a little hygienic knowledge and proper etiquette in my euro-centric water closet.

In all fairness, new guy at work initially brought up the idea, and being impulsively curious I just ran with it. About a week ago I was sitting at my desk eating some Swedish Fish when new guy asked me if I have any experience with bidets. Like most Americans I responded with a suspicious no, not quite knowing where he was going. Oh but he was diving down deep and the Swedish Fish were not coming. Nothing like getting to know your new co-workers than with a conversation about cleaning up after a toosee.

Regardless of the details I am sparing you, I decided to research the subject more thoroughly. After all, just about every other country east of us has jumped on the bidet wagon. So like any good researcher I started with wikipedia, moved to google and finished on ebay. Somewhere in there I read lots of engaging information, including an interesting dog dun example. Whatever the reason, I decided to take the plunge with new guy claiming to follow suit if I had a successful experience.

Lucky for me, the cheap 15 dollar bidet turned out to be a positively cleansing experience with only a minor flooding incident during installation (don’t tell the landlord.) However, I have realized that many of my house guests will not know what the thing is attached to the toilet! So I decided to create a Bidet Etiquette post-it for when you need reading material on my jon. Since bidets are catching wind in America, I thought it would be a good idea for me to share my post-it with everyone so you can not only be prepared for my spectacular loo, but your neighbors head aswell.

Free and flawed is experiencing a blog hiccup.

If I weren’t so stubborn I’d admit that I’m sick and should probably see a doctor or take some sort of medicine, but I am stubborn so that’s not happening.

Sick Jenn + two tests + everything else that could possibly go wrong = blog hiccup.

In the mean time, please treat yourself to my blog roll and enjoy some excellent blogs. Tell em Jenn sent you and they might give you free stuff.

(That’s a complete lie. I don’t know if they’ll give you free stuff, but at least check them out.)

Many thanks go to my mom for sharing this video gem with me. Many more thanks go to MC Howie and Julie K for performing this.

Hey There Sarah

Lyrics:

Hey Sarah Palin, do you tell them in Wasilla
That 4,000 years ago we roamed the planet with Godzilla
Is it true
I am so fucking scared of you
As number 2

Hey Sarah Palin, I think Alaska’s very pretty
But just 100,000 people more than Oklahoma City
Yes it’s true
Go look it up, Im telling you
Oh man, were through

Oh, if you become VP, oh, its Canada for me (2x)
Its Canada for me

Hey Sarah Palin, did you really once inquire
Whether you could throw library books into a big bonfire
God, my eyes
This really might be our demise
This pack of lies

Hey Sarah Palin, just because you’re good at shootin
Doesn’t mean you have the ammo to negotiate with Putin
Are you on coke
This fucking countrys up in smoke
Oh what a joke

Chorus
Oh, if you become VP, oh what will it mean for me (2x)

Bridge
Just because I can see the moon
Doesn’t make me an astronaut, you loon
Your foreign policy expertise is pooh
Do you really think a woman commits
To a candidate just because she has tits
Please tell me that this ticket is not true
I thought that there could be no worse
Than Cheney, but here you are, I curse
The madman who would cast a vote for you
And McCain too

Hey Sarah Palin, is it media distortion
Or would you tell a girl whos raped that she could not have an abortion
Its a new low
Who knows just how far you would go
Id rather vote for Ross Perot
Hey Sarah Palin I dont know
Where can we go

She doesn’t mind my peanut butter panic attacks:

(See reasons #213 and #214 in case you’re not convinced of her awesomeness. Once you are convinced, check out her blog and tell her!)

Do any of your family members have a blog? If so, share their link in the comments!

Edit: I felt I should clarify that I was stealing her dog because she was home alone, not for other reasons you pervs.

We were sitting around the kitchen table when I snapped this little gem:

That would be my grandma drinking wine out of a sippy cup with a crazy straw. It’s not every night that we (mom, me, aunt and grandma) gather around the kitchen table to reminisce about childhood nicknames, unremarkable bladders and jejunums. Today was different because my grandma only had about two hours of sleep last night and spent nearly 12 in the emergency room. My grandpa, who was recently told he had pancreatitis was brought in to the ER this morning after getting really sick last night.

He is currently being held in an isolation room because they believe he could be fighting an infection that may or may not be airborne. However they show little concern over the fact that my grandma and I have been living with him. If I die, Jamie gets my blog. Anyway, my grandpa is in good spirits and will be going through some more tests tomorrow to figure out what is wrong with him. They’ve ruled out pancreatitis and something with his colon. However, as of this evening I guess the colon may be back in the game. My grandma brought home a written report of the test results from today. It mentioned that his intestines were filled with fluid in some areas, which isn’t good. The report also mentioned that his bladder was unremarkable.

When you have four women who are all exhausted, a bit giddy and a bit drunk (I’m looking at you grandma!) the more hilarious everyday words become. So you can imagine how hard we laughed at that statement, “Bladder is unremarkable.” I think our hour-long chit-chat session around the table was exactly what I needed. I accomplished zero studying and homework, but that’s okay. Family is more important. I’m nervous for what tomorrow may bring. I’m nervous about failing another test, but I’m more nervous about my grandpa failing his. Fingers crossed that the doctors figure out what’s wrong and it’s treatable.

Today was no better than yesterday. Fortunately the one thing Friday has that Thursday didn’t is the fact that I don’t have school tomorrow. Hot damn.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

I don’t remember how I found her. I think it may have been an article from the Chicagoist. Wherever it was, I’m glad I found her!

Laura George is a Chicago artist is inspired by her “crazy vivid dreams” and puts those images on paper. She’s also inspired by “Japanese design and illustration, animals, honesty, nature, patterns, colors, vintage fabrics, the people passing through my life, public transportation journeys, and the constant chatter in my head.”

Her prints are pretty unique and had I more wall space I could see many of them around my home. Her prints are drawn by hand with ink and then colored digitally using a graphics tablet.

A couple of my favorites:

Running On Fumes

Find Me

Goggles

Let’s Just Sit Here Together For A While

Definitely check out the rest of the prints in her shop (click here.) And if you want to buy me one, or five, I won’t turn any down

“You have a friend waiting for you” was what I heard when I walked inside the house this evening. A friend? You mean the man friend is here? Well that’s a pleasant surprise. Definitely unexpected. Before I could peel my backpack off my grandma replied that my friend was not breathing. I was a tad confused because I would think that the man friend would be quite fond of breathing. Then I saw a box. Surely he could not be inside.

The word “skeleton” typed on the side gave it away. I was surprised because it was shipped out yesterday. That was super fast! I pulled out the skull first, unwrapped it and admired it. Then I pulled out the femur, the hand, the hip, etc. No more than ten minutes went by and I had my skeleton man put together on the living room floor. It’s like Christmas morning!

I am a bit disappointed with the quality of his skull. Part of the sphenoid bone is crooked and the screws holding the top of his skull on fall out easily. Oh and I already yanked out three teeth. What? They were loose.

Mr. Bones here needs a name. Currently I’m calling him Buckwheat Bones, but I think my readers can come up with something a bit more appropriate and a hell of a lot more awesome. What’s in it for you? Well I’m glad you asked. I’m not sure yet. I still have a TON of stuff left over from BlogHer, including more laptop skins, two T-shirts, a laptop lock, some software, and other random goodies. I’m sure I’ll be able to put together a lovely gift box for the winner.

So give Mr. Bones a name and win yourself some free stuff!!

• Held a knee joint.

• Had my hands inside an open chest cavity.

• Ran my fingers along the acetabulum (where your leg connects to your hip.)

• Dropped a patella bone.

• Held hands with a cadaver.

• Nearly ripped off the anterior cruciate ligament of the knee (not mine!)

It’s totally weird that I consider this a good day right?

Note to self: Don’t begin a conversation with “guess where my hands were ten minutes ago!”

What did you do today?

This poll will determine if the meet-up will be held in Boston or Chicago. Unfortunately, I have removed New York from the list. After some research, we found that the cost (especially flights) would be too expensive. I apologize to any bloggers in NY who were rooting for their city.

Before you vote: Keep in mind that the meet-up is tentatively planned for June 2009 so weather should not be an issue.

The poll will be closing on Thursday, September 11th. That should give you and the rest of the bloggers more than enough time to pick the city you prefer. After 5 p.m. on Sept. 11 I will not accept any more votes. If you didn’t vote, I’ll assume that you didn’t care which city was chosen. There will be no votes taken by email, Twitter, or comment on this post. You must use the poll.