Dear Horn Honker,
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I’ve noticed you around a lot more lately. Perhaps it’s the nice weather causing me to open my windows, or perhaps it’s your inability to exit the vehicle and ring the GD doorbell. I don’t know. Just know that tonight, after your fifth honk, I was ready to go downstairs, get into my car, park directly behind yours and honk. Repeatedly. Until you A. moved or B. got out of your car to bitch at me in which case I would have stepped on the gas.
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Welcome to 2008. Technology exists to prevent you from honking your horn. Do me a favor and get a cell phone and call that person. Though I still argue that getting out of the car and ringing the doorbell is still a completely logical option, if not a healthier one.
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In conclusion, please stop. I will not hesitate filling up water balloons with ketchup and launching them at your car from my bedroom window.
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Sincerely,
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Jenn
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Dear Google and GeekSugar,
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I’m a fan of you. I think you’d be a fan of me if you ever met me. I’ve compiled a list of reasons why I think I’d be a great fit at either of your companies.
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1. Because I’m awesome (examples of this are found all throughout my blog; though if references are needed, I can provide them).
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2. Because I know you desperately need female employees. Sure I’m not an engineer, but do you really want to risk losing me to Europe? I don’t think so.
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3. I Google everything. Look at that, I even placed a link to Google in that sentence - product placement anybody?
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4. Notice I also linked GeekSugar above. I have much love ladies, much love.
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5. I like geeks. I think of myself as a geek. I also like sugar. Nuf said.
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6. Yahoo who?
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7. I am willing to ignore every ounce of self integrity and dignity to be the first to get a hold of a new phone, computer or mp3 player.
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8. I can’t promise that I will not drool or fondle said phone, computer or mp3 player.
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9. Conferences? I love conferences! So I’ve never been to one before - there’s a first time for everything. This shows my willingness to take one for the team and try new things!
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10. Because Fortune said Google is the best company to work for.
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11. I like saying “google.” Tee hee \
12. I’m adorable. I have a likable face. Who wouldn’t want to use Google or GeekSugar after talking to me? No one! That’s who!
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13. I ask you why not?
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14. I’m willing to do the dirty work (Seriously, I’ll get your coffee. I might spit it in but at least I got it!)
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15. I’ll give you my first born.
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16. I’d gladly sacrifice my first born for a new laptop.
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17. Google is colorful. I’m colorful. Tis fate.
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18. I’d love my job. I’d show up everyday…even on Christmas. I say we have a Geek holiday!
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19. I’m good at finding random gadgets.
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20. Because.
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As you can see from the reasons listed above, it would be a pretty silly move not to hire me. After all, Europe is looking. Don’t let them snatch this fierceness from right under your nose! I’m willing to travel so you know, if you want me to move to San Francisco or something, I’m okay with that.
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Sincerely,
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Jenn
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P.S. I have no problem dressing up as a giant phone or Google logo. Think about it.
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