I thought that eating too many carrots would turn my skin orange.

I believed I wouldn’t get any gifts at Christmas if I didn’t believe in Santa.

I was terrified that I’d grow up to be Stranger Danger.

I trusted easily.

I held a grudge against the Easter bunny (still do!)

I thought that my Barbies would walk around their houses when I was in bed.

I was scared that people lived in mirrors.

I didn’t believe in organization.

I colored with my tongue sticking out of my mouth.

I believed that because my cousin was a week older than me that she would die before me.

I was sure that Freddy Kruger was going to kill me.

I was reluctant to take a bath unless there were some form of bubbles, Foamy Soap or food coloring in the water.

I convinced myself that Jaws was in my bathtub if I couldn’t see through the water to the bottom of the tub.

I thought I sounded like a boy.

I could watch the same movie over and over and never get bored. (Batman was my movie of choice, followed by Beetlejuice and Good Morning Vietnam!)

I believed my toy vacuum could really suck things up.

What are some funny things you did or believed as a kid?

::Conversation I had with myself in the mirror post-workout::
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Hellooooo abs!
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Hello ladies. Welcome back. I hope you don’t mind if I caress your curves tonight. I haven’t seen you in so long I forgot how nice you feel. Can I get you anything? A hot pocket? Pillow? Are you comfortable? I hope you stay for a while…
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Last night I had my last session with my trainer. Thinking it would be more laid back like last week, I walked in feeling good. It probably helps that I had a two hour nap before. Last week was all about toning. This week must have been about killing me. Eff the basics. He wanted me to do super planks/super duper planks, super lunges, super squats and a ridiculous amount of weight at the machines. He really did say super and super duper. He even through in a “fantabulous” here and there. Walking out of there I was sure I’d fall because my legs felt like goo.
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I surpassed all of my previous times and weights. The number of reps increased as we went along. My bubbly personality quickly turned devious. I basically told him to sleep at the gym because I’d be outside waiting for him if he left. I kind of wanted to kick him in his face. Of course he laughed and underestimated the awesomeness of my muscles upon muscles.
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At one point he told me that I had the best squats he’s ever seen. I’m pretty sure he was looking at my toosh. That’s what I’m going to tell myself because honestly, who cares about squats? Squats get you no where. Now a nice ass…that’s where it’s at.
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After I left the gym, I felt sad. I develop these relationships with people and I have been watching them walk out of my life a lot lately. Wow…melodramatic much? Very. I know I hated him at first, but he’s a pretty kick ass guy. I like that he pushed me. I’m worried that I won’t go to the gym as much now and when I do, I won’t push myself nearly as hard. I am considering signing up for another 20 sessions. They have a special going on until the end of July and I could save some money. I’m all for saving money. So I’m going to think about it and see if I can budget it.
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Until then, my gym mishap stories might be few and far between. I’m sorry. But I can always write about how the Wii Fit insults my balance!

Making Out 101:
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1. Play a video game.
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2. Invoke all of the ninja skills you learned while watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, jump up and hit the maker outee with the remote.
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3. After he/she falls, the maker outer climbs on top of him/her to make out.
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4. (Optional) Repeat the following: “You WILL make out with me!” Or, “Sneak attack!”
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Please see example below:
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This can be modified for different activities, such as bowling, underwater basket-weaving and cooking.
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Thank you to Jessica for inspiring me to draw this picture.
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Coming up tomorrow: Ridiculously embarrassing adorable baby pictures of yours truly and her chubby cheeks of glory. (No chicken involved.)

How Jenn does laundry.
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• Think about it for 2-3 hours.

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• Separate clothes.

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• Put colors into machine, start water, completely ignoring lid.

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• Go upstairs for an hour.

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• Go downstairs only to find the lid still open and clothes sitting in water, still dirty.

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And today I’m sober \

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Stay tuned tomorrow for the 20SB Blog Swap.

Remember when I told you that I didn’t like my neckless trainer? I lied. I really liked him tonight. He as a bit more friendly, which put me in a happier mood. Last week wasn’t a whole lot of fun either! All we did was work on my arms and some abs. Tonight we did a variety of crunches, planks, squats, lunges and leg work. It was good. More importantly I felt good!
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Am I losing any weight? Not really, but that was never really my goal. My BMI went from 26 to 23 and I am noticing that I’m a lot toner. Who knew this gym stuff works?! \

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I love how trainers overuse we. “Now we’re going to do lunges.” “Okay we’ll do plank.” Um…no WE are not. I am. You’re sitting there on your little square block all cool and refreshed while I shake as my muscles say “Eff you!”
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He even wanted to end a few minutes early. I was like WTF dude? Get back over to the mat and make me do something! I was on a roll. Punch my abs!
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Though I have to admit that I missed working on arms this week. One of my favorite things to do when I get home is flex in the mirror and see my little bicep in all of it’s post-workout glory. “Aww, hey there little guy.”
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It would be rude of me to not include a paint picture with this week’s gym post. I call this “What I Think of When I Hear Plank.”
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That would be my neckless trainer flying off the plank because he can’t count. 12 is NOT 16 buddy! The extra four does make a difference! And telling me I’ll do 14 and then saying 12 over and over isn’t cool. Don’t be all sneaky and throw in the extra ones.
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Missing out on other gym stories? More gym woes and paint pictures below:
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Super lunge
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Up next: Gladiators
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Big bucks
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I pity my trainer
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Glute stretch

Most of you should already know that my mom and I are a bit on the quirky side.
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So it should come as no surprise to you that she thinks her dog looks like a llama or that Goldie Hawn looks like an ostrich (there’s some truth to that one.) Back to the dog…
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My mom believes that her dog, Daisy (seen below), looks like a llama. A small llama with a shorter neck, but only when she’s not wearing a collar and is all fluffed up after a nice brushing.
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Personally I think that a small llama with a short neck looks like a dog. What do you think?
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It’s pretty difficult finding a decent picture of Goldie Hawn so I hope this one is good enough.
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I swear there’s a resemblance. Maybe if you squint your eyes…

…watch re-runs of TV shows over and over until I can’t stand them anymore.
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Last night I was watching SATC (What? I didn’t get to finish the series before the movie!) and the girls were talking about SSB - Secret Single Behavior. This got me thinking about my own secret single behavior. Is there anything I do that I don’t want my boyfriend to know about? I ran through lists of what I thought many women would claim as SSB: eating cake in front of the fridge, dancing like a fool in underoos, singing (fake) Italian opera while cooking pasta and I realized that I don’t have a lot of juicy SSB. I didn’t mind the ex seeing any of that. In fact, I encourage him to partake in my crazy dancing or horrible singing.
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Come on. There’s got to be something right? I can’t be that comfortable in a relationship. The bathroom is always an uncomfortable area, especially if there is only one. I don’t know about you, but I am NOT okay with toosies while another is around. At home, and by home I mean a home in which you live alone. No family, no boyfriend, husband, whatever! At home toosies are no big deal and often times I’ll bring my phone or laptop in with me! Dude, don’t even try to tell me you’ve never done it. The laptop is the new magazine. I get some of my best writing done there. Is this something I’d want my boyfriend to know? Eh, not really. But if things actually got serious and we lived together, I’m sure eventually he’d find out.
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I’m so glad Dr. Dude and my mom read this. Hi!
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Some more SSB, while not juicy, would be singing. Fake singing along with Italian opera is one thing, but when I’m really trying? Eh not so much. I don’t mind being heard when I’m being silly because the other doesn’t expect me to be good. But when I think I’m out-singing Rihanna and the boy is there shaking his head, that doesn’t make me feel awesome. So my shower concerts are limited. Oh, and uh, because I don’t remember the words to too many songs, I often end up singing Little Mermaid tunes.
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What’s some of your Secret Single Behavior? If you’re in a relationship, what are some things you hold back? If you’re single, what makes you happy to be unattached? What are some crazy things you all do that you don’t think your SO would understand?
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P.S. I also like to imitate Beetlejuice. Specifically the scene when Barbara and Adam were in the model and Beetlejuice wanted to invite them in. They left so he kicked over a tree and yelled, “Nice eff’in model! Honk Honk!” You know what I’m talking about!

I’m writing this before I go to bed because I have a feeling my arms will be too sore to write tomorrow. Yep. The gym was THAT bad tonight.
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I met my new trainer. I already had a good idea of who he was. He didn’t have two heads like I feared. He did lack a neck though. I’m not a fan of those big guys at the gym who walk with their arms out to the side because they’re so big they can’t fall beside their body properly.
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He didn’t seem to have a clue what Kinga and I worked on even though he had my file. I wanted to hide behind an exercise ball. He seems to be a big fan of plank. It looks so very easy. I hate those sneak attack exercises. The demonstration looks effortless. So muscle man gets up, I get down and within 8 seconds every muscle in my body is about to storm out Jerry Maguire style. “Who’s coming with me?!”
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And let me tell you, doing shoulder presses and chest something-or-others while balancing on an exercise ball sucks hardcore. Muscle man is going on about how you balancing your body activates more muscles and burns more calories..yada, yada. I’m not here to burn calories buddy! That’s what I got a Wii Fit hula hoop for. I’m a calorie burner!
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We did more pushes, presses, curls and weird clapping like motions. Did I mention he made me do push-ups?! Push-ups! I don’t think I’ve done those since gym class in grade school. My face doesn’t enjoy being near the sweaty floor. Ew.
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The entire time he was telling me to let him know if the weights were too light. Pfft! Like I’d give him the opportunity to make it harder. None of it was light for the record. I’m beginning to think that Kinga was taking it easy on me or this guy is just a nazi. I’m happy I only have 3 or 4 training sessions left.
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P.S. I really hate Paint Brush on Macs. Gimme back Paint!

Remember last week how I was all “Grr…the gym is my bitch!” and “I eat bicep curls for breakfast?” Yeaaah…that was a very short-lived victory. My trainer, Kinga, thought last week was a bit too easy and decided to intensify things this week.
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We usually fit about 3 circuits into an hour. This week’s circuit involved step ups on a giant block, rows, squats, something I like to call the lats killer, and the chicken wing (works the deltoids. Then we worked on my adductors, but not before lifting 95lbs with my calves. Then we moved onto what I like to call super lunges (see picture below). Those were actually pretty fun. Onto the abs! I did a mixture of crunches that worked the upper, lower and obliques. I love ab work. So we did all of this and then repeat, each time increasing the amount of weight and upping the rep from 10 to 12 or 15.
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Some of you may be thinking, “Man Jenn, you rule.” But please hold all words of encouragement and praise until the end of this post.
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During our last abs set, she mixed things up a bit so I could focus on my core. I have an arch in my lower back, meaning my pelvis tilts forward a bit leaving me with LB pain. We’re trying to tighten my glutes and abs so I balance out the two and minimize the curve.
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She breaks out my arch nemesis, the exercise ball ::cue dramatic music:: She kneels down and rests her wrists on the ball. She then rolls forward, balancing on the ball, and then pulls herself back up using only her abs, ass and LB. Seems easy enough right? Well, yes, it is, assuming you have a good relationship with balance. As we’ve seen in the past, the exercise ball and I do not get along well. Let me demonstrate below with pictures.
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I have to say that although I sometimes make an ass out of myself at the gym, I’m really loving it. I love being pushed and challenged each week. I also love that Kinga doesn’t just use weight machines. She shows me a variety of workouts that I can do at home that mimic the machine. She also provides a great variety of the same workout so I don’t get bored doing the same old crunch day after day.
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I don’t know what I’ll do when our sessions are up! I only have 4 left \

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Question: If you had to guess, what would you say is the strongest muscle in the body?

If I Never See Your Face Again by Maroon 5 and Rihanna makes me want to lick the radio.
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Yeeeaaaah….not really happy about this sunburn anymore.
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Drinking orange juice with pulp makes me feel like I’m drinking orange juice with sperm. Ew.
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I smell like burning.
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I’m obviously red. Why do people ask if I got too much sun? No, I got a little marker happy this weekend and decided to color my shoulders red.
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Why is “Lollipop” by Lil Wayne playing on our office radio? It doesn’t seem very appropriate.
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Okay seriously. Stop telling me to wear sunscreen. You’re not my mom and I did. I used it often. I’m just lucky enough to have skin that defies sunscreen and burns anyway.
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::licks radio::
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Is anyone else sick of “Bleeding Love?” It’s on way too much. I think the radio is mocking me and my relationship mucky-muck.
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It would be nice to spend one summer without having ridiculous tan lines.
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I really like this picture haha!
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Ask me where Djibouti is! Do it! (In my pants! - thank you Jen Lancaster)