She doesn’t mind my peanut butter panic attacks:
(See reasons #213 and #214 in case you’re not convinced of her awesomeness. Once you are convinced, check out her blog and tell her!)
Do any of your family members have a blog? If so, share their link in the comments!
Edit: I felt I should clarify that I was stealing her dog because she was home alone, not for other reasons you pervs.
::Conversation I had with myself in the mirror post-workout::
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Hellooooo abs!
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Hello ladies. Welcome back. I hope you don’t mind if I caress your curves tonight. I haven’t seen you in so long I forgot how nice you feel. Can I get you anything? A hot pocket? Pillow? Are you comfortable? I hope you stay for a while…
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Last night I had my last session with my trainer. Thinking it would be more laid back like last week, I walked in feeling good. It probably helps that I had a two hour nap before. Last week was all about toning. This week must have been about killing me. Eff the basics. He wanted me to do super planks/super duper planks, super lunges, super squats and a ridiculous amount of weight at the machines. He really did say super and super duper. He even through in a “fantabulous” here and there. Walking out of there I was sure I’d fall because my legs felt like goo.
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I surpassed all of my previous times and weights. The number of reps increased as we went along. My bubbly personality quickly turned devious. I basically told him to sleep at the gym because I’d be outside waiting for him if he left. I kind of wanted to kick him in his face. Of course he laughed and underestimated the awesomeness of my muscles upon muscles.
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At one point he told me that I had the best squats he’s ever seen. I’m pretty sure he was looking at my toosh. That’s what I’m going to tell myself because honestly, who cares about squats? Squats get you no where. Now a nice ass…that’s where it’s at.
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After I left the gym, I felt sad. I develop these relationships with people and I have been watching them walk out of my life a lot lately. Wow…melodramatic much? Very. I know I hated him at first, but he’s a pretty kick ass guy. I like that he pushed me. I’m worried that I won’t go to the gym as much now and when I do, I won’t push myself nearly as hard. I am considering signing up for another 20 sessions. They have a special going on until the end of July and I could save some money. I’m all for saving money. So I’m going to think about it and see if I can budget it.
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Until then, my gym mishap stories might be few and far between. I’m sorry. But I can always write about how the Wii Fit insults my balance!
Making Out 101:
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1. Play a video game.
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2. Invoke all of the ninja skills you learned while watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, jump up and hit the maker outee with the remote.
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3. After he/she falls, the maker outer climbs on top of him/her to make out.
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4. (Optional) Repeat the following: “You WILL make out with me!” Or, “Sneak attack!”
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Please see example below:
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This can be modified for different activities, such as bowling, underwater basket-weaving and cooking.
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Thank you to Jessica for inspiring me to draw this picture.
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Coming up tomorrow: Ridiculously embarrassing adorable baby pictures of yours truly and her chubby cheeks of glory. (No chicken involved.)
Remember when I told you that I didn’t like my neckless trainer? I lied. I really liked him tonight. He as a bit more friendly, which put me in a happier mood. Last week wasn’t a whole lot of fun either! All we did was work on my arms and some abs. Tonight we did a variety of crunches, planks, squats, lunges and leg work. It was good. More importantly I felt good!
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Am I losing any weight? Not really, but that was never really my goal. My BMI went from 26 to 23 and I am noticing that I’m a lot toner. Who knew this gym stuff works?! 
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I love how trainers overuse we. “Now we’re going to do lunges.” “Okay we’ll do plank.” Um…no WE are not. I am. You’re sitting there on your little square block all cool and refreshed while I shake as my muscles say “Eff you!”
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He even wanted to end a few minutes early. I was like WTF dude? Get back over to the mat and make me do something! I was on a roll. Punch my abs!
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Though I have to admit that I missed working on arms this week. One of my favorite things to do when I get home is flex in the mirror and see my little bicep in all of it’s post-workout glory. “Aww, hey there little guy.”
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It would be rude of me to not include a paint picture with this week’s gym post. I call this “What I Think of When I Hear Plank.”
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That would be my neckless trainer flying off the plank because he can’t count. 12 is NOT 16 buddy! The extra four does make a difference! And telling me I’ll do 14 and then saying 12 over and over isn’t cool. Don’t be all sneaky and throw in the extra ones.
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Missing out on other gym stories? More gym woes and paint pictures below:
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Super lunge
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Big bucks
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