Dear Horn Honker,
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I’ve noticed you around a lot more lately. Perhaps it’s the nice weather causing me to open my windows, or perhaps it’s your inability to exit the vehicle and ring the GD doorbell. I don’t know. Just know that tonight, after your fifth honk, I was ready to go downstairs, get into my car, park directly behind yours and honk. Repeatedly. Until you A. moved or B. got out of your car to bitch at me in which case I would have stepped on the gas.
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Welcome to 2008. Technology exists to prevent you from honking your horn. Do me a favor and get a cell phone and call that person. Though I still argue that getting out of the car and ringing the doorbell is still a completely logical option, if not a healthier one.
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In conclusion, please stop. I will not hesitate filling up water balloons with ketchup and launching them at your car from my bedroom window.
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Sincerely,
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Jenn
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Dear Miley Cyrus,
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How old are you? I heard your new song 7 Things on the radio today and I’m just a little confused. In the song you sing about the 7 things you hate about some guy because he made you love him. Why am I confused? Well, you’re 15. I’m not quite sure what you know about love. I’m not trying to say that young people don’t know what love is, but, well actually yes that is what I’m trying to say. I don’t believe that you know what love is.
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Now I understand this is just a song and lets face it, we’ve all made some bad decisions in our life time (Hello Vanity Fair photo shoot) so maybe the message in this song is just a misunderstanding on my part. I just find it very hard to believe that you loved this guy. I realize that your music isn’t really speaking to my generation (Is my generation and her generation separate or are we smashed together? Hell…what generation am I?!) Anyway, I realize that your following rests in the 15 and under range, so why should I try to relate to your music?
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It just bothers me. I don’t even have a good reason. Stop singing about love when you know nothing about it. You’re making me mad and I don’t like it. Quit it.
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Sincerely,
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Your #1 fan
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P.S. Act your age! (Like I should really be offering advice on this subject!)

Dear Google and GeekSugar,
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I’m a fan of you. I think you’d be a fan of me if you ever met me. I’ve compiled a list of reasons why I think I’d be a great fit at either of your companies.
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1. Because I’m awesome (examples of this are found all throughout my blog; though if references are needed, I can provide them).
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2. Because I know you desperately need female employees. Sure I’m not an engineer, but do you really want to risk losing me to Europe? I don’t think so.
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3. I Google everything. Look at that, I even placed a link to Google in that sentence - product placement anybody?
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4. Notice I also linked GeekSugar above. I have much love ladies, much love.
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5. I like geeks. I think of myself as a geek. I also like sugar. Nuf said.
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6. Yahoo who?
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7. I am willing to ignore every ounce of self integrity and dignity to be the first to get a hold of a new phone, computer or mp3 player.
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8. I can’t promise that I will not drool or fondle said phone, computer or mp3 player.
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9. Conferences? I love conferences! So I’ve never been to one before - there’s a first time for everything. This shows my willingness to take one for the team and try new things!
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10. Because Fortune said Google is the best company to work for.
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11. I like saying “google.” Tee hee \
12. I’m adorable. I have a likable face. Who wouldn’t want to use Google or GeekSugar after talking to me? No one! That’s who!
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13. I ask you why not?
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14. I’m willing to do the dirty work (Seriously, I’ll get your coffee. I might spit it in but at least I got it!)
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15. I’ll give you my first born.
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16. I’d gladly sacrifice my first born for a new laptop.
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17. Google is colorful. I’m colorful. Tis fate.
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18. I’d love my job. I’d show up everyday…even on Christmas. I say we have a Geek holiday!
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19. I’m good at finding random gadgets.
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20. Because.
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As you can see from the reasons listed above, it would be a pretty silly move not to hire me. After all, Europe is looking. Don’t let them snatch this fierceness from right under your nose! I’m willing to travel so you know, if you want me to move to San Francisco or something, I’m okay with that.
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Sincerely,
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Jenn
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P.S. I have no problem dressing up as a giant phone or Google logo. Think about it.
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Dear Chicago Shoppers,
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I understand that time is money and therefore we always seem to be in a hurry. But since when did it become acceptable to show a complete lack of regard for the people around you? I am convinced that Chicago is home to some of the rudest and ignorant people.
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While out and about this afternoon I was cut off twice, both times the drivers seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that I was there. I’m lucky I was paying attention or else I probably would have been hit. When I have the right of way, that’s not a good time to pull out into the intersection and look at me like I’m there wrongly. You are Mr. Rusty White Car. Don’t give me that look. I had every right to be there. So what if I was blocking your turn. I was only doing so because you weren’t meant to be in the intersection! Wait your eff’in turn!
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I hate when I’m walking through a mall and people come out of a store, barely, and stand there looking over the receipt or texting on the cell phone. Um…hello? We’re walking here! Why should I have to go around you? You’re the one getting in the way and messing up the flow. If you want to look at the shit you bought, walk past the entrance and stand off to the side. Don’t be ignorant. Don’t look surprised when somebody, I, make a comment about your inappropriate choice of gathering spot.
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Cashiers. Why can’t you look up at me? Is it that hard to take time out of your product swiping and bagging to look at me? If I say hello to you, I expect a hello back. Today I waited at least a minute before the cashier even turned around to notice I was there. She was too busy talking to another worker. I know I should have said something but honestly I was curious to see just how long this could go on. I’m not that short and she should have been able to hear me placing my items on the counter right next to her. Plus, it’s not her job to stand with her back turned to the entrance. She should be ready to help. I didn’t HAVE to come to this store. I’d much gladly go to Kohl’s and pay half the price for the stupid sweater. I should have.
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Don’t be ignorant. Get out of the way. Be respectful. Stop being stupid. The earth does not revolve around you. I don’t care if Bobby just asked you to winter formal or Forever XXI totally ripped you off. Stand to the eff’in side and celebrate or whatever. As for the crappy drivers, one day somebody won’t be paying attention and you’ll hit them and have a nice little lawsuit on your hands. I just hope that lucky person isn’t me!