Who are the Victoria’s Secret holiday commercials talking to?
Would you believe someone tried to sell this on eBay? It’s just a catalog folks…
They’re not talking to me. I wouldn’t want to either purchase or receive underwear for Christmas. Even if that bra sent me into a dream world. I’d be like, whoa, undies? Really? Well now that you’ve fondled* my unmentionables, lets go sing Christmas carols.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m just as happy as you are that Victoria shared her secret. More power to her. I wear her secret proudly and don’t mind the occasional peepshow. But on Christmas? I don’t need my entire family knowing what’s happening beneath the Elvis t-shirt.
And lets not forget the goofy face you’ll be wearing when you ask me, “Heh, uh…Hey uh…you wearing my gift?” Yeah. Not happening bucko.
This just brings back repressed memories from my childhood. My mom bought me undies and sock for my birthday one year. So maybe I had a habit of running around outside in my white socks. So what? How do you explain the undies? Pretty sure I kept my pants on. Sorry mom. It was totally thoughtful, but you’ve scarred me for life.
Are they gifts for men? I don’t think I’d give the future Mr. Jenn unmentionables. While I would be an amazing gift (What? It’s true.) I would hope he’d be the kind of guy who would enjoy something he could tell his mother about. Plus, I don’t want to set slutty standards for future Christmases. It starts with some lingerie and before you know it you’re playing hide-n-go-seek with your naked neighbors. Blindfolded. (Name that movie.)
*Then I have to bleach them.
Moral of the story: If you buy me unmentionables, you will ruin Christmas.
Have you received a Christmas (or birthday) gift that was completely inappropriate? Please share (for I am nosy.)
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Jenn… don’t immediately rule out giving the future Mr. Jenn female “unmentionables.” Variety is truly the spice of life. Josh
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 8:14 am
Of ALL posts to comment on you chose the unmentionables post. I’m onto you.
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Eek. That’s not good at all, and I think I would be mortified for the same thing in certain company.
However, I come from a family of females (lots and lots and lots of estrogen), and my mother has made it a practice to buy my sister and me panties as stocking stuffers. And they’re actually cute AND fit. So yay for that.
If my fiance was coming for Christmas, though, it would be a completely different story. I hope everyone who is thinking of buying you unmentionables takes heed to this story!
E.P.´s last blog ..Dear Santa,
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My mom accidentally bought me a vibrator one year. It was really a back massager, but when I opened it on Christmas morning my dad and uncle cracked up and made jokes about it for the rest of the day. I was humiliated; my mom was totally oblivious.
The Maiden Metallurgist´s last blog ..Hand Roll, Hand Roll, Whatcha’ Gonna’ Roll….
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 10:01 am
That? Is hilarious. I love that she was completely oblivious to what all the laughter was about.
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Every year my dad receives “unmentionables” for Christmas. It’s a “tradition I must keep going” according to my dearest mother. But a little clarification to why people, especially men, give lingerie to their female partners. Bottom line: they want to see us/you in it for a brief period of time, and then they like to see it lying on the floor next to the bed. It’s not such a clever ruse, but we’ll let them keep believing it is.
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Pretty sure that would be a tradition that ends with me. So weird. I agree that men give them to us so they can see us in them, but what if they pick out something that is totally not “you?” Then you start wondering “GOD does he want me to be a whore?!” Or maybe you’re too whorish and he wants you to tone it down. Either way, he should just buy you a gift card to VS.
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Joshua Karp Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Buy a gift card? meh… on behalf of my wife, I slowly, painstakingly, carefully, almost lovingly, review, in great detail, each and every page of the VS catalog, respectfully marking each picture of each garment that she (and me) might find pleasing. I highly recommend this deliberate process of intense VS catalog review for any gentleman seeking to identify the purrrfect purchase for his significant other.
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Pretty sure that’s a wee bit too much info for me.
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I am guilty of this heinous crime. I have made such an offense in my youth. I know better now. Michelle Doellman is right I had ulterior motives.
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 10:03 am
It’s okay Grant. I wouldn’t buy a guy an elephant thong if I didn’t want to see him in it. We’re only human.
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So…I shouldn’t be sending you that box full of “I <3 Bacon" undies?
Frank´s last blog ..A three step process in lessons learned
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 10:03 am
That depends… are they boy shorts or thongs?
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Pretty sure my mom gave me underwear at my first boy-girl birthday party. FAIL.
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
That is a HUGE fail! I’m sorry.
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I hate it when people give me bras for Hanukkah.
Especially since I’m a guy.
Alex Roda´s last blog ..The RFID Technology Debate
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Water balloon slingshots.
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Alex Roda Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
YES YES YES YES YES YES
Alex Roda´s last blog ..The RFID Technology Debate
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My friend keeps joking that she’s gonna buy me a vibrator this Christmas.
I’m not laughing.
Akirah´s last blog ..Only Me
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Beat her to it!
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Akirah Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Hahah! It’s not that I’m totally against vibrators…I think it’s kinda what you said…I’d prefer for her to buy me something I can let my mother know about.
Akirah´s last blog ..Only Me
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if someone’s going to get me vicky’s (yea, we’re close like that) for christmas, it’d better be a gift card. anything else would be a little creepy. i think the only appropriate time to give actual clothing as gifts is a wedding shower. any family in attendance are expecting it and are properly prepared… although, one has to be stealthier at a couple’s shower. it’s just not fair if the future hubs gets a preview… either way, there’s been no embarrassment for me as the gift giver. but i worry about what will happen when my day comes
Michelle´s last blog ..pardon the interruption…
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Michelle Reply:
December 11th, 2009 at 10:09 am
ps – i chose you for a little award to say thanks for being you. i’ve enjoyed your blog (and guides) immensely in the short time that ive been a follower
Michelle´s last blog ..oh what’s this?
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I’m jsut going to keep my mouth shut lest you punch me
phampants´s last blog ..Did That Really Just Happened?
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
You’re learning! This is a proud moment.
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If that’s the way you want it, then those unmentionables with Vampire Eric high-fiving Mario are going to someone else this year.
Jay´s last blog ..Wherein I Turn 30 and Become an 18th Century Hot Air Balloonist
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Oh Jay, don’t say such hurtful things!
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I hate it when people buy me things from VS. Even my husband. If you really think I might like something from there just get me gift card. Will make things much easier on everyone.
Delisha´s last blog ..Best of Blog Challenge 2009 Day 8 #best09
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My buddy’s current girlfriend decided to give him an Easter basket of ‘unmentionables’ from the ‘unmentionable store with no windows.’ She decided to leave said Easter basket on his porch, to which his mom was the first to find it. Yes, she found the handcuffs, lube and dildo.
Merry Christmas!
Brandon´s last blog ..Best of 2009 – Best Moment of Peace
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Well that was a huge fail. Why would you leave something like that outside when the recipient doesn’t live alone? Or did he live alone? Then it was just really bad timing.
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Brandon Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Oh, no, it was at his parent’s house. She’s just a complete idiot (actually, so is he).
Brandon´s last blog ..How Huge Is the Internet on an Average Day? – Gizmodo
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Wow. Just wow.
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Lol omg you are so funny!
Meanwhile I had an ex buy me something from there one year. Leopard print. I’m so not a leopard print person. Meh.
Ari´s last blog ..Click click click… flash.
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
You have to wonder how well that person really knows you if they’re buying you leopard print. I’ll throw in cheetah and zebra print as well.
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Oh my gosh I can’t believe you made me remember this…
My dad used to take us with him to buy my mom gifts for her birthday, Christmas, etc., we were really young…and I vividly remember going to stores and him buying a bunch of lacy underwear for her ALL THE TIME. Ew. gross.
Alyssa´s last blog ..Lovely Things
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Jenn Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
That is so many shades of wrong!
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I am quite happy to belong to a family who doesn’t buy underwear for presents. I can’t even imagine.
Ashley´s last blog ..Among Academic Superstars
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Hahaha, maybe instead of getting some “unmentionables” from Victoria’s Secret, you’ll get lucky with one of their cute T’s or flip flops?? I went in there the other and saw a million non-underwear things that I wanted and were actually at decent sale prices =)
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Jenn Reply:
December 10th, 2009 at 10:22 am
I LOVE their Pink collection. YES. Go with some sweat pants or a cute t-shirt. Keep your hands off my undies.
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If it’s really nice expensive underwear like Hanky Panky or something, I wouldn’t complain. But considering I don’t have a boyfriend, having my parents or brother buy it for me….gross.
Jessica´s last blog ..Putting shopping on notice
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I’m totaly getting my sister Batman Underwear for Christmas, she’s going to love them. Infact the older I’ve gotten, the more underwear is exchanged at christmas
Ashley´s last blog ..The Best Thing Ever!
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One year, I got a hamper for Christmas.
It’s since broken. But man, I loved that hamper.
Wait what?
nicopolitan´s last blog ..ATTN: North Pole
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Then clearly you haven’t seen the bow-back cheeky panty:
http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=EG-245063&cgname=OSKEYPTYZZZ&rfnbr=1943
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freeandflawed Reply:
December 16th, 2009 at 8:12 am
HA! Of course they exist.
Thanks for sharing Gwen
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I dated a guy who had a weakness for thigh-highs, and secretly kind of hoped I’d wear them with a teddy. Riiiiiiiight.
Carrie´s last blog ..Blog Challenge (#best09)–best packaging
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Diana Reply:
January 4th, 2010 at 10:07 pm
HAHAH that’s exactly what my boyfriend wants but he actually admitted it… I have yet to wear them thigh high’s
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well i always get free gift cards
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