He Said, She Said: Vegas Edition

I figured I would wrap up this week of Vegas posts with a story about being single. Cue the cheers!

I spent three days in Vegas and in that short time I learned that it’s difficult being single in the City of Sin. I mean really single. No boyfriend, no FWB, no group of high-energized, pushed-up cleavage, short-skirted friends. (I had Matt, but he doesn’t look good in heels – sorry.)

Saturday night I ate dinner alone. I travel a lot and usually have no problem sitting down by myself to enjoy a meal. This time the hostess seemed to want to make my single status known to the entire restaurant. It’s possible she was starting her version of The Bachelorette, but I highly doubt it. When it was my turn to step up to the podium I held up one finger signaling that I only needed a table for one. She replied with “two?” “No, just one.” The look in her eyes when she put down the second menu was that of Bambi who just found out his mother had been shot. I shrugged it off an enjoyed my dinner, eavesdropping on other people’s conversations.

On Sunday I explored the strip alone and found myself at Siegfried & Roy’s Secret Garden (I promise you it’s family friendly.) In order to enter the garden, you walk through the dolphin cove (eee flipper!) and through a photo booth of sorts. I couldn’t walk across the booth because another couple was having their photo taken. Now the following conversation may have taken place in my head, but I’m sure it was implied:

Photo Guy: Just you? (Which really meant “I know it’s just you because you have that sad look in your eye, but I just wanted to ask to really drive the point home and crush any remaining bit of hope.)

Me: Yep, just me! (I will cut you.)

Photo Guy: Do you want your picture taken? (I’m only asking because it’s my job… and because I plan on printing a copy out for myself so I can add it to my collage of single women in family places.)

Me: No, I’m good, thanks. (Seriously, cut. your. face.)

Photo Guy: Okay, lets wait for this couple to finish and you can walk through. (Give me a moment to send this couple to the extra special magical garden for people in love. You can wait here before you crush their spirits and suck the will to live from their hearts. Leper.)

Me: Great. (I hope a dolphin eats you.)

So that conversation may or may not have been heard by the people behind me, but the photo guy and I will always remember the time he nearly made me cry in the dolphin cove.

Moral of this story: (1) I need to feel better about punching people and (2) I need to stay out of my own head (but it’s GREAT for blog fodder!)

Do you have any fun “I’m single!” stories? Share in the comments!