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Oct

21

Filed In: Humor, travel

I have a gambling problem. I know. I hate that it took a trip to Vegas for me to figure that out, but it was bound to happen. Don’t worry, I’m not addicted to the sounds, lights and crazy smells of the casino. I have the complete opposite problem: I hate it. And I suck.

At first I was completely mesmerized by the lights and sounds inside the casino. “Ooo bright, shiny, loud things! It sounds like winning!” Yeah I was sucked in… until I sat down to play. I was nervous. I’ve never gambled before unless you count Nintendo Blackjack. Oh, and then there’s that one time where I won a card game on a train ride to Detroit. I was 10. I didn’t know what was going on. Plus I’m pretty sure I bought a troll with my winnings – a Minnesota Vikings troll none the less. I KNOW! Anyway…

So I sit down by the nickel slots because lets face it, I can’t afford to risk it. I play a dollar and manage to win $2.70. Convinced that I’m going to lose that, I cash out (I know) and walk over to the money machines. The woman on the other side was cashing out $1,000 and making sure to count each hundred. So I decided to count my change. All seventy cents. I had more time to kill so I sat back down and played my $2.70. I lost. I had $.15 left and I couldn’t play anymore. I didn’t have anymore dollar bills and I didn’t want to put a $20 into a nickel slot, so I cashed out… at $.15. Hot damn.

Later I used my ticket to hide the gum I was chewing for the previous two hours. Best $.15 ever spent.

By Sunday I hated being there. I wasn’t looking forward to walking around different casinos and watching people win money. The smells were starting to get obnoxious and the sounds were overwhelming. People kept getting in my way and the carpet made me dizzy. Needless to say I don’t think I’ll be spending much time inside casinos any time soon.

Morals of this story: (1) Don’t leave me alone in Vegas. (2) Someone teach me how to gamble. (3) And for the love of jeebus will someone show me where I can get a giant cup of alcohol?!

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Someone definitely needs to teach you how to gamble! I love playing craps and blackjack, especially in Vegas! Mmm Vegas. I miss it.
Arielle´s last blog ..An unexpected encounter

Jenn Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 10:15 am

So uh, feel free to visit me in LA and teach me how to gamble. Then we can take a road trip to Vegas!

I think I would share a similar fate in Vegas. But I’ve never been, so…

I also have a low tolerance for stupid people and especially stupid people in large masses — either that or I have a weird high tolerance and I just overwhelm that a lot ’cause I keep going to places filled with them (like Michigan Ave on a Saturday in the summer…)

Anyway. LOVED this post. Seriously, if you ever consider an MFA in Creative Writing, I think you should go for it!
Erini´s last blog ..paid to be a big kid.

Jenn Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 10:16 am

Thanks for the compliment

P.S. While a complete crazy place, I think winning and/or seeing LOVE would be worth another trip!

yea…vegas…too much for this girl and i’ve never even been there! i have a deeeeep aversion to gambling (my sister’s mom is a huge gambler…) and loud noises and too bright of lights… i’ll most likely never go to vegas.
blaez´s last blog ..its a girl! no, its a boy!

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:29 am

I suggest that if you ever do find yourself in Vegas to spend as much time as possibly by the pools at Mandalay Bay. Unless you hate water, you’ll love it!

I have zero interest in seeing Vegas. I’ve avoided conferences there so far and hope to keep that up.

Mmmmmm giant cup of alcohol….

If you want, before you leave – I’ll teach you to read a Daily Racing Form and then you can bet on ponies intelligently?
Joy @ Big Time Fancy´s last blog ..Fall Calls

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:31 am

That would probably come in handy at some point! I’m doing drinks with some friends on Saturday night. If you’re not busy/working you should come! (If you are busy I’m trying to plan a dinner thing during the week for folks who can’t make it Saturday.)

I’ve never been to Vegas, but I could teach you all about gambling. Except for how to lose graciously; that part never gets any easier.
Jay´s last blog ..Daily Cartoon/Chart – Hey Mom, What’s a Vulva?

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:31 am

I’m not a very gracious loser as it is. Especially when playing Sorry, Monopoly, Life… pretty much any board game.

Gahh, I wish I had that issue. I’ve never been to Vegas, but there’s slot machines and video poker/blackjack machines in Pennsylvania now.

Over Christmas, I managed to lose EVERY CENT I brought with me for the week. I had to use my credit card for everything during my visit. =( Teach me how to NOT gamble, please?
MinD´s last blog ..Feeling a bit poetic.

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:32 am

I have a highly effective method of getting people to not gamble. I slap them.

It’s not so bad if you consider people who suck at gambling but love to do it anyway, so at least you’re one step ahead.

1. Vegas is full of people, simply turn to your left and say “hi” to someone also holding a drink. Bam, instant friend.

2. Gambling is in everyone. You just gotta “feel” it.

3. Usually at the club that is installed in any given hotel casino — but I hear you have to wear nice shoes to get in.
nicopolitan´s last blog ..The Revenge Of Karma

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:32 am

I don’t “feel” it yet.

you are adorable
phampants´s last blog ..Meeting of Important People – Brittney Lane Don’t Care

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:32 am

Thanks.

I can’t gamble either, how about we stick to partying and chillin in the pool, no?
andhari´s last blog ..Douche Of The Year

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:33 am

I’ll beat you there! I had a great time by the pools! I’d go back for those in a heart beat

I once bought the Eiffel Tower full of a mixed drink at Paris in Vegas. It was well worth the $10 for it and we got a huge platic Eiffel Tower. I don’t think any of us kept them, but it was fun while it lasted! I’m not much of a gambler either. I’ve been to Vegas FOUR times and have yet to approach a table. Maybe next time, if there is a next time…
Nora´s last blog ..Confetti

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:33 am

I don’t think a trip to Vegas is complete without a giant drink. I guess I have to go back.

The bit about putting the gum in the fifteen cent ticket is a true story. I witnessed it firsthand. Right before Beatles LOVE started, I saw Jen put her gum in the ticket. I panicked and said “Um, that was just MONEY you put your gum in!”

She then reassured me it was only fifteen cents.
@mattstratton´s last blog ..Vegas – Day One

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:34 am

Thanks for being my witness. It makes it funnier that you were there to witness my gum removal.

Oh, and next year at BWE I’ll teach you how to gamble. I seriously was *this close* to giving you a hundo to sit down at a blackjack table with me to learn. But then I stopped myself since I hadn’t won much yet, plus I didn’t know if you actually would have wanted to play

Incidentally, I’m up about a grand for this trip. Plus, I got a $200 Mandalay Bay gift cert from going to some session on Sunday afternoon, so I only have to pay for one night of my room.

This is NOT how my Vegas trips usually go, though.
@mattstratton´s last blog ..Vegas – Day One

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:34 am

You did really well! Congrats!

I went to Reno once with my cousin and Uncle. The standout memory for me was being assessed on-sight at the bar by several high class prostitutes
Jonathan´s last blog ..The one where we flooded the street

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:35 am

Well that’s better than the back-up prostitutes.

I have never been to Las Vegas.
I think I would stink at gambling, too.
Katy´s last blog ..Sex and Money trailer

I hate gambling. I would much rather save my money to buys shoes/
Liz ´s last blog ..I could get used to this being a sports fan thing.

*to buy shoes.

I’m having trouble with sentences today apparently.
Liz´s last blog ..I could get used to this being a sports fan thing.

[...] See the article here: Go Big Or Go Home: I Went Home [...]

This post (and many others) is the reason I told the company that they must hire you!!

In case you (or others out there) did not know it…you kick @$$!!

-Jenns kinda somewhat boss (I dont boss people)

PS – I will totally teach you to gamble. What is it going to be? Only really do Craps and Blackjack. Only things you really have a “good” chance at winning $$s at.

Jenn Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 am

Thanks for the kind words Doug! I think the next retrospective that I’m at should involve casino preparation. Blackjack tables here I come!

[...] Professional Poker Player. You DID read my Vegas story, [...]

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