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Jun

13

I bet you didn’t know…

Filed In: Humor, Personal

…that I’m full of the crazy.

Generally I advise women to bottle up the crazy, hence the name of this blog. But from time to time I meet someone who fills up an entire bottle of crazy. Sometimes they’re a whole keg of crazy! Me? I’m just a bottle. I don’t overflow because eventually I’ll let some of that crazy out to make room for more. See? I’m crazy AND smart.

So what tidbit of crazy am I sharing today? I have a weird paranoia. That doesn’t sound correct, but we’ll chalk that up to the crazy. When I come home after being our for more than an hour, I always check behind my shower curtain to see if somebody is behind it. That should be the crazy part, but it’s not. If I’m gone for less than an hour, I don’t check. Because obviously, in my head, it takes at least an hour to break into my apartment, find the shower, get in and readjust the curtain to the way I had it. (See?)

What would I do if someone was actually behind it? I haven’t quite figured that one out yet. If someone were to come in my room, I’m definitely set. I have a femur under my bed. Yep, you read that right, a femur. (I own a skeleton, remember?) And I thought the nightstand drawer was supposed to be used for sexy time. Instead, it holds a box cutter, an iPhone charger and some pepper spray. I’m not sure if the charger is for strangling or if…you know what? I read too many books.

Well now I wonder if my crazy is my shower-checking habits or the fact that I have a disassembled skeleton beneath my bed and (literally) in my closet?

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I check my shower too, but that’s because I watched too many seasons of X-Files…

I’m the same way with closets–although, if I’m alone, I’ll check them even if I haven’t left all day long. I can tell you exactly which murder mystery I read at age 11 that I can attribute that to as well.
I’ve never known what I would do if I found someone either…

I don’t check the shower because the curtain is usually open, but I check my closet a lot, lol

Uh, I’m not quite sure why I feel the need to share this embarrassing tidbit of information with you, but well, you know. Sometimes, we’re just full of the crazy.

Last night, my husband was gone to a concert, and me and Petey were by ourselves. I couldn’t sleep for some reason (that reason being that I thought someone was in my house), so I ran out of my bedroom, grabbed everything I thought that the intruder could hurt me with (.22 gauge, sword, you know, the basics), got my husband’s .40 cal and slept with the light on. Yeah, it was 5AM, but who’s counting?

This made me laugh.

can i just say i <3 u?

yep, i heart the crazy jen cuz this jenny is crazy herself

blaezs last blog post..if i told you i didn’t want to talk about it would you forgive me?

I, too, live alone. When I get home after dark…especially late at night, I check all my closest, and my shower. Also, my bedroom door tends to shut slightly, so every time I come home and walk into my bedroom, I do so with trepidation as I push the door back against the wall (you know, in case anyone’s hiding behind it.)

I also sleep with a little league bat next to my bed. My mom brought up the excellent point that if I was attacked, my attacker could actually use the bat to hurt me. Makes you think!

A Super Girls last blog post..The Red Wings, Hope, and a Shameless Plug

This is why I have a 90+lb German Shepherd. Don’t feel the need to check those things anymore. And he’s cute and sweet, so bonus.

Whenever I stay up too late I get paranoid and look under my bed and in my closet before I can sleep. I literally flip through all my dresses to make sure no psycho maniac creep is hiding in between them.

Taylors last blog post..Please excuse my drunken blogging

When I leave, I always put a shoe behind the door so if the shoe was moved, I’ll know someone is/was there. (then I leave through the garage which is locked and I put another shoe on the outside of that door so when I drive into the garage and see *that* show has moved, I can back straight out and call the police.)

Ok, I think I’ve shared enough of my neurosis for today.
Vanessa´s last blog ..Do You Use Protection?

So… it wasn’t until last night I realized how not-so-safe my apartment is.

It’s a garden apartment. Once you get past the deadbolt, or ANY of the windows that are conveniently at ground level, then well, you’ve got the whole place. I don’t even have a door on my bedroom! (There’d be no place for it to swing in my tiny place…) I could throw the contents of my bedside draw at an intruder, but well, 1) I love them, 2) it’d only just confuse them and still leave me no where to run.

I’ve got a great arsenal of shoes though. I could just throw those…

Oh. My. God. I do that all the time! And then wonder what I would do if someone was standing there. Actually, once when I was in college I went to use the bathroom at someone’s house party. I was pretty wasted and as I was about to sit on the toilet, the few brain cells that were left told me to open the shower curtain. I did and there were three girls behind the curtain about to smoke a blunt. I’m not sure who scared who more — I do know that I screamed pretty loudly.

i check the shower, under the bed, and the front hall. i get it.

when hubby is not home I always check.

haha, I check behind the shower curtain every time I get home from work or out for longer than half an hour. But I probably win with the crazy.

I keep an ironing board propped up infront of the basement door. If it is moved, I know someone is hiding down there. I also put a large record collection blocking the door to my landlords pad. And the emergency exit in my bedroom is blocked by a vacuum cleaner. So I’ll know if someone is breaking in or has by the state of things.

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