Brian from Mad Props to Baked Potatoes found me on Twitter yesterday to ask if he could hijack my blog. I read what he had to say and to be honest, I’m a little curious. Only a couple days ago I was telling my roommate how I need a daily dose of hormones in order to not turn into CrazyFace McGee. I went without them for two weeks and she can vouch that I was less than pleasant. So Brian’s email couldn’t have come at a better time.
I’m hoping that some of my female readers can help him out. We all get a little crazy sometimes. I hope that we can laugh at ourselves and take this post lightly. It’s not meant to ruffle any feathers. I am the first to admit that I’m a little crazy – hell, it’s in my tagline!
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First of all, thanks to Jenn for letting me hi-jack her readership. Hopefully this is fun and exciting, and perhaps even really super fun.
The short version of my mission is as follows: I’ve been hired to write a romantic comedy about PMS. Boy meets girl, girl has PMS worse than anyone ever = humor, complications, etc, et al, furthermore.
If it ever gets made, it’s not a movie that will change the world, but throw Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson in there, and you’ll probably get a decent flick that entertains and makes a few bucks.
Now, the story is being told from the male point of view, which is basically, “I don’t understand why you just threw a screwdriver at me for ’standing up too loud’.” (This really happened to me once for real.)
What I want to do is get some insight into the female side of things, and hopefully give this screenplay a fair and balanced portrayal of the whole PMS mystery. Basically, I’ll ask a question, and then you can answer, hopefully with some depth of explanation.
Thanks for doing this – I’m taking this online because I’m not completely happy with the honesty of the real-world answers I’m getting, plus one girl threw a screwdriver at me. (Do all you girls carry screwdrivers in your purses, btw? Is it just the type of girls I’m friends with?)
Let’s begin:
QUESTION: When you’re PMSing, and you’re yelling at us for completely irrational things such as “standing up too loud”, are you aware in that moment that this is not a rational thing to be yelling at someone about? I know that later it’s apparent, but what about while it’s happening? Are there dueling voices in there?
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Well I’m going to start off by being a buzz kill by saying this romantic comedy doesn’t really sound funny. Personally, I think propagating the women-as-hysterical concept is really damaging, and I’m sure that any female who’s legitimate anger over something was reduced to “oh, you’re just PMSing” will agree with me. Also, severe PMS is called PMDD and it affects almost 10% of the population. (It should be noted that PMS only affects an additional 70%… meaning that 20% of females don’t experience PMS)
I’m sure most people will disagree with me. Comments following mine will probably be cheerful or funny, but I just thought I’d share my two cents and let you know that this sounds like the lamest idea since Teeth (the movie about a vagina that had teeth)
lfars last blog post..Being cheap proves more effective than going on a diet
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okok… I totally get LFar’s comment in that yes, it sucks than many legitimately angry outbursts I have are blamed on PMS. And I’m not a very PMSsy person. But it does sometimes occur.
And in answer to your question: No, at the time I am yelling, it is a completely legitimate thing to be angry about. Yes, you MUST have been standing up too loud, and yes it’s totally the end of the world because you did such a thing.
3 seconds later? Yes I generally know I’m being crazy. But at the time it is a HUGE deal. Why else would I yell? I don’t do it just because you know…
Cazs last blog post..It’s already tomorrow in Australia…
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lfar in fairness to me, this is why I’m asking these questions. I’m fully aware that if this is just a “look at the crazy girl doing crazy things” story, then it’ll have zero validity with women, and thus won’t work.
btw I’ve been hired for this – it’s not my base concept.
Brians last blog post..PTSA REVIEW
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Caz pretty much hit the nail on the head. When you’re all up in PMSy craziness it all seems SO LEGITIMATE. But as soon as the moment is over, you’re like “Hot damn I’m a wack job.” Though we don’t openly admit it to our victims. =)
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I almost peed my pants with us yelling at guys for “standing up too loud”. But I have to concur with the thoughts above me… when I’m in the moment it’s all too real and super annoying, but when I’ve moved past it, I realize that I was a supreme, irrational bitch for (almost) no reason. And then I apologize. Most of the time.
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I actually can tell when I’m PMSing. I usually just try to tell myself to shut up and not be an idiot, but sometimes I can’t stop myself in time.
But honestly I flip out even when I’m not PMSing… so maybe it’s just me.
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well, lucky for me, i don’t really get emotional just because i’m about to get my period. honestly! sure, i like to eat a lot and don’t hold back on the salty goodness that are chips, but i don’t normally yell at people in my life for standing up too loud or other ridiculous things. but when that does happen, whether i’m pms-ing or not, of course it is a rational thought! then about, five seconds later, i feel stupid for doing something so dumb and irrational and would probably apologize to the person immediately.
hazels last blog post..Ace/Fail Weekend Update.
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I don’t think I’ve ever done anything that I could decisively blame on PMS. Like PMS doesn’t implore me to yell about irrational things so much as being a woman who is forced to live with the less perfect species of males does.
But boy do I love pigeonholing women! And totally predictable romantic comedies!
Am I being too harsh here? Sorry, maybe it’s PMS!
the exs last blog post..Reading List 2008.
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Usually for me, I keep saying to myself “Holy cow! I’m so emotional right now!” but… That doesn’t really change the fact that I feel like you stood up too loud. I just know I’m a little off kilter.
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I’m going to go agree with The Ex on this one here.
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in all honesty, no i don’t know. sometimes its like i can hear a myself and i’m far away. like its not me.
i’m on hormones. i have to take hormones the last week of the month. and i know and my boyfriend knows that the ugly green monster can and will rear its ugly head usually about 24 hours after the last pill is consumed.
i don’t remember having PMS before the health problems and being put on meds.
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In the moment I know that I am acting crazy, but I just don’t care. Looking back I realize that I was being crazy too, but it just seems funny then.
The New Blacks last blog post..My car’s name is Stupid.
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sorry ex, i totally disagree! while most of the time i am okay a few times a year i am especially bitchy and don’t realize and then in the middle of talking [some might say yelling] about how i would gladly pick the dog over my bf because i’ve known her longer just because my bf asked if my dog could not eat the entire garbage and maybe we should do something about it, do i realize how crazy i soud and then a quick calculation of the date im like ohhh.
hormones are real and do make people act different so i think to deny it is silly.
girls usually dont know until after, or some apparently never, but i give4 you mad props for trying to figure this out. a generally nice girl usually realizes and apologizes after.
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I’m with Ifar on this one. I know you’ve been hired to write this and you’re just doing research for it but god it doesn’t sit well with me at all that this kind of drivel is being optioned up as a feature film. I can’t even imagine how this could be a full film. Why doesn’t he just leave her alone for a few days if it’s that bad? It’s got the same intellectual concept as Bride Wars, and that really p*ssed me off.
Having got that out of the way, I can’t be any help, because I don’t know what it’s like to suffer from this. I’m not really any different when I’m on my period than I am when I’m not. However, when I was on the pill that really messed with me and made my mood swing in a very scary way that I’d never realised could happen before. And that just really wasn’t all that funny. So perhaps instead of being all ‘oh, what comedy fodder, women are irrational, let’s roll our eyes at them and make a few bucks’ perhaps we should all sit down in front of an educational programme about what goes on in a woman’s body. We all might learn something.
Sorry I went off on one a bit there.
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I belong to the camp that thankfully has never felt PMS. (I never realized it was such a small camp)
Considering the response you’re getting, it feels like you could make a meta-movie about a guy going about research for making a PMS comedy and ending up at the receiving end of some very, very different reactions as a result of the research (e.g. all of the above).
At any rate, it’s a touchy subject, because acting emotionally without apparent reason is difficult for anyone to take responsibility for. Society conditions girls to almost believe they are ‘possessed’ by their PMS and therefore can’t help their reactions, while guys are conditioned to think that this is yet another thing they can never hope to understand about women, and should therefore never attempt to understand.
Hence the rationale for a PMS comedy from a guy’s point of view to ‘lighten things up’, right?
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Yup, I’m totally aware of it. I’ll even go so far as to say, “I don’t care if I’m being stupid right now … you suck!”
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Cesss, you said: “Society conditions girls to almost believe they are ‘possessed’ by their PMS and therefore can’t help their reactions…”
Yes, this is exactly what we’ve felt, but there’s no correlating condition for us guys, so it’s hard for us to find a rationale/connection.
Brians last blog post..PTSA REVIEW
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Also, these are great answers, even the ones that disagree with this on a conceptual level. I thought it was a POS idea initially, as well. What they presented me with was one-note and at best a skit.
I was adamant with the producers that if I did this, I wanted it to bring some intelligence and thought and sensitivity to the issue. I’m also laying just as hard into the things we do that you maybe can’t wrap your heads around, but that may be enough material to blow up the internet, yes? Perhaps a follow-up post. lol
Bride Wars is 100% absolutely, positively what I’m trying to avoid.
Brians last blog post..PTSA REVIEW
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ok, at the time that Im acting crazy Im never aware of it. I can just be generally bitchy too with massive mood swings, one minute laughing next minute wanting to cry. My boyfriend knows the signs and is generally ok about it. After I have snapped the head off him for offering to make me tea or for moving suddenly, I realise that I have just been a cow so I usually apologise. However at the exact moment that Im giving out to him, I think Im right
It happens every month at the exact same time!
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My ex-boyfriend always knew when I was about to start my period. He would realize it before I did. I would yell at him for things that were completely irrational and he would call me out on it and say, “you’re about to start your period, aren’t you?” It also never happened when I wasn’t PMSing… so yeah. I guess it’s true. In the moment we think we are angry about something legitimate, but 3 seconds later we realize how crazy we are acting.
AshleyDs last blog post..Delurking Day
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I don’t get PMS, but I sure know some men who seem to.
Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoats last blog post..More Than a Paragraph, Part III
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well isn’t this fun!
ok, i don’t think there are duel voices per se. but the irrational side of me for sure kicks out the rational side. normally when i PMS i don’t get crazy, i get hungry and let’s be honest eating 22 snickers bars is completely irrational.
good luck with the flick.
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In the moment, yes, I always know. My mouth tends to spew things while my brain is going ‘What the HELL is your problem?!’. Not that I’d ever admit that, in the moment
Emilys last blog post..show thyself
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I won’t even attempt to try and explain what a girl feels like when she’s PMSing.
deutlichs last blog post..A Public Service Announcement
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My version of PMS tends to the being super hungry all the time. I don’t really get cranky, though I did have to switch pills because the first one was making me super hormonal. But I do know from past experience, regardless of PMS or not, I can always tell when I’m being irrational. It feels rational to me in the moment, but there’s that part of me that goes, “You do know you’re going to end up apologizing for this in about 14 hours, right?”
distracted spunks last blog post..Time capsule.
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Apparently I like commenting in bullets today. My writing mode has been switched off. So:
* Am I irrational because I was physically annoyed that the girl didn’t tell you that you were “standing up too loudLY.”
* LY, damn it! Adverbs. Gah!
* I totally know I’m being irrational when I’m hormonal.
* And hate myself for it.
* And simultaneously feel self-righteous.
* Sometimes, I only feel happy after I’ve gotten my husband equally worked up about whatever it is.
* My God, I’m twisted.
* Don’t you want to be a woman??
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Lucky for me, and for the two boys I live with, I don’t become one of those raging or emotionally unbalanced women when I get PMS. At best, I get a headache, I’m tired, I want to eat more. Sometimes I get cramps. That said, there have been instances where I can get a little worked up about nothing (ie: PMS and watching a patient die on ER is a lethal combo). I can start crying about nothing, and in my head there’s a running dialogue of, “Geez, Jenn, there’s no sense in crying, this is dumb, stop doing it,” which just leads to more tears until it suddenly stops.
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I totally disagree with all of the naysayers. Although PMS in the “I just drowned my 5 children” sense is indeed absolute propaganda, PMS in the “I have too many hormones running through my blood at the moment and I don’t feel like myself” is an absolute reality.
It is definitely possible that not every woman is affected by any sort of PMS, but I would venture to say that the vast majority do.
Personally, I’m not severely affected. However, I did have a crying stint last night because I was feeling unloved…which is completely illogical. At the time, it made complete sense. This morning, after a good nights sleep and a little clarity, it seems ridiculous.
When I am fully immersed in a hormone-induced moment, I have no idea that anything irrational is occurring in my brain. Moments (or hours) later, I realize that I was being hormonal.
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I can honestly say that when I finally realize I AM PMSing, it’s after I’ve consumed a lot of chocolate because I wanted it and nearly bit my partner’s head off. Sometimes, things just seem to irritate you more. It’s not that you have two voices it’s that the one you have seems to get irritated, angry and often over emotional. What I’ve never realized until I was old was that as my body prepared for that time, my emotions and brain was wearing thin, thus the irritation, caving into my cravings and responding emotionally. I’m tired by this point and don’t feel like fighting it, but wouldn’t ever realize what was happening. I just thought it was a rough week or something until “hello, Aunt Flo”. More than you wanted to know? Well, you asked for it.
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If I take it too far and keep digging at my husband, I realize what I’m doing as the foul language and crazy talk flies out of my mouth. Other times I think my rage is completely justified during the entire argument.
The toughest part is when a legitimate issue comes up while I’m PMSing and all I can think is, “Wait, I have every right to be pissed about this, don’t I?” Of course, then I wonder if he’s doing it too — “Is he going to dismiss this legit complaint because I’m hormonal?” Gah, periods effing SUCK.
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I 2nd lfar.
and hazel.
I find it sad that this concept could even be deemed plausible. It pisses me off that the “women are crazy and men just don’t understand them” point of view is used to entertain. Truthfully, I don’t think there is any way this sort of plot line could be done in a way that isn’t offensive.
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Two questions:
1) Have any of you ever thrown hardware at your partner in a manner such as I have experienced?
2) Does anyone here not have a blog of their own? I find myself reading them all and my day is disappearing.
Brians last blog post..NFL LeBron, Guest Blog, Hitting on Girls at the Gym
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Shaba my take on it was initially the same but the fact that PMS is an issue that affects both men and women it their own way means there’s something to be said about it, and therefore there’s a story that can be fit around that something.
I only took this job under the agreement that I wouldn’t be writing a women-bashing movie.
Brians last blog post..Eddy Curry, Vanessa Hudgens, ESPN.com
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I must confess, I never really get PMS like this. I don’t lose rationality and take it out on other people. Normally, I just get a little frustrated with myself and my emotions.
Guess I can’t be considered for the case-study!
Tristan | the almost right words last blog post..Never ending math equation
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I think the movie could be really funny. Espeically if Matthew is shirtless through most of it!
And I will tell you that when I am bringing the PMS crazy, I am completely unaware that what I am upset about may be irrational. In the moment it seems legitimate. The hormones make it all real.
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Brian,
I’m very glad to hear you’re not into the women bashing idea, which is what this so easily could be. If it is made, I’ll be very interested to see your take on it.
Carries last blog post..Goonies Are Good Enough
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Hmm, sounds like you might need to work on a topic that will actually appeal to, oh you know, women, since they’re the ones that will determine your success in the romantic comedy world. Or you could put a new spin on things.
PMS, though, is a bitch. And I, as a woman, hate it. The fact that I’m drinking a peanut butter milkshake and eating fries at the moment in no way reflects my monthly woman cycle…
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I fully and completely realize that I am being irrational when PMS takes over. The other day, my co-worker, who is also a good friend, came over to my desk, asked to borrow a pen, and quickly grabbed my FAVORITE pen from the desk before I could hand her one she could keep. I was irrationally irritated for absolutely no reason at all except for the fact that I was PMSing. I knew it was irrational. I knew it was stupid. But I could not help but be irritated.
I hate PMSing, and that it’s something I can’t seem to get under control! I think it is in fact hilarious, though, because it’s something so many women have to deal with! I don’t find it offensive – it’s a fact of life as a woman, and I think some women (not based on any comments on this blog) need to see it from an outside standpoint to see how irrational they’re acting.
I at least try to warn my boyfriend now – I just get really quiet if he says something to irritate me, and if he asks what’s up I try to (calmly?) tell him nothing’s wrong, I’m just PMSing and irrational at the moment.
adrianas last blog post..Hard at work.
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You have balls, sir, that’s for certain.
Still, I resent a lot of what is in popular culture about pms. I may be a little more sensitive than usual, but it could be because my uterus feels like it has sandpaper in it! If anything, I think it is more of an excuse to write off a lot of justifiable anger, across the entire month.
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Oh, piss. I love my “sisters” for rallying against the PMS stereotype, but I find myself resisting the urge to ask them if they are all on the rag. I’ve surely just offended all of you. Sorry. Just my opinion.
Every once in awhile, I will realize that I’m being irrational. It’s like an out of body experience, almost. Hard to explain. Most of the time, when the first wave of cramps hits, everything starts to make sense again, and I realize why I’ve been so wacky.
But here’s the thing- whether I realize it’s just PMS or not, the feelings are very, very real. If I feel ugly and unloved, it doesn’t matter that part of me (or my husband, poor thing) is telling myself over and over and over that I am loved, that I am not ugly, I still can’t shake that “fat girl on the outside looking in” mood.
So sometimes I know, but it’s like trying to stop a freight train, and most of the time, I have no idea. I guess because it feels so real, and it’s generally a magnification of something normal. In other words, if I was looking for some affection from the hubby, and he was ignoring me, I would normally feel a little unwanted. When I’m PMSing, asking me about a new shirt or commenting on my pants will trigger the same reaction as if I walked into the room in some sexy lingerie and he turned his nose up.
Being confronted with the fact that I’m being irrational just makes it worse. I feel how I feel, and in the moment? I could really give a rat’s ass how RATIONAL it is, because it’s so REAL.
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The way I’ve tried to explain it to my boyfriend is that, in the moment, those feelings are 100% real. They may be irrational, but when I am feeling that way, it is a completely honest and real feeling and no way to control it.
It is imperative that he acknowledge how I’ve feeling even if it seems ridiculous otherwise it will lead to much worse things.
I do come around and usually a few minutes later I realize that it is a PMS thing and I apologize or explain better.
I mean, most of the time there is a reason I am feeling sad, mad, whatever but the PMS just brings it to an irrational level.
I am also one of the women who gets depressed for a day or two about a week before her period starts. That was also a hard thing for the boyfriend to understand.
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PMS is very real for me. I’m with one of the first commenters about the 3 second delay. I really do feel on edge and sometimes I blow up and even though 3 seconds into it I realize I’m acting crazy and almost want to laugh at my ridiculousness I stay angry. Why?! Because I TOLD my husband I was PMSing and how dare he test my patience knowing I’m in such a state. And by “test my patience” I mean speak.
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Brian,
First of all, I’m having a really hard time imagining how you might keep this movie from being at best a quasi-offensive, negative stereotyping lamefest. I’m actually really curious about that.
Second (of all?), haven’t you ever overreacted to something because you were feeling say cranky, tired, ill or hungry? In the back of your mind, you might be dimly aware that you aren’t being fair, or you might not be. Or maybe you’re someone who isn’t as affected by tired hungry crankiness.
I guess I just don’t see how it’s such a mystery.
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I must say that political correctness can be taken too far. I think the human condition whether it be about our sexuality, bodily functions, women’s issues, men’s issues and well, pretty much anything is and should be the source of the writers pen and perhaps a movie. If it is funny, all the better. Treated with some respect these can be the funniest subjects around. Forget Matthew McConaughey though but perhaps Conan O’Brien? Anyway good luck with it. My sense of humor does run to the odd anyway.
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