Is it Christmas break yet? | Free and Flawed

Sep

23

Filed In: Personal, complaints, school

A very small part of me feels like I am not managing my time very well. Every night I feel like I don’t have enough time to accomplish the things I need to do. I never feel caught up and I certainly don’t feel ahead. I love school. I am super inquisitive and love learning. So it really freaked me out when the idea of quitting rolled through my mind the other day.

Thursday I have a lab test in anatomy. I will be asked to identify structures on cadavers. I will have one minute at each of 48 stations. No pressure.

Friday I have an exam in my anatomy lecture. I will be tested on eight chapters of information. Information that I completely forgot about. The disadvantage of being in an online course means that I forget that there is more going on than just my lab. People are actually in lectures three days a week. Things are being taught and I am missing out because I forget to listen to the live lectures or read the book.

Friday I also have a math exam that needs to be completed before 9 a.m. Math, as you may remember, is not my strongest subject. I’ve been inching along doing just enough to get by. Unfortunately that requires a 2-3 hour commitment every night. Math teachers have seem to forgotten that their class is not my only class.

I have homework every night and tonight, I’m not doing it. I did about 20 minutes of math and jotted down some anatomy notes during House. I just can’t seem to focus enough to sit there, undistracted, and learn. The worst part is I’ve failed two tests already. I can’t seem to absorb this information. It’s not clicking. I don’t have time for tutors because I go straight to work after school. I can’t drop a class because I have exactly 15 credits, which are needed so I can get my grants.

Still feel this way.

My eyes are tired and my body hurts. I don’t know if it’s stress, lack of sleep or sickness. I can’t seem to get used to this schedule. In order to wake up at 5 a.m. and be functional I need to be in bed no later than 10:30. Math homework rarely allows for that. I wake up at 5 and I am out the door by 6. By 7 I am at school and reading over notes for my first class at 8. Between 8 and 11 I have had three classes. By 11:30 I am at work. I am home by 5:30 and settle into my room for a night full of studying, lab reports, case studies, math tests, note taking and reading. I need to complete all of that by 10:30 so I can be prepared for class the next day.

I feel like I don’t have enough time to get this stuff done. My classes are too close together. I feel like I’m working too much, but I’m not working enough to afford much!

On top of all of that, I have a dad who is trying to hit me up for money, steal my bed out of storage and shower me with guilt. I have an aunt who is so far over the edge and she’s dragging me along with her. I don’t even want to answer my phone anymore when those two call, but I do because I’m all they have. And then there’s that guilt thing.

In addition to that, because it’s just not enough, I am faced with having to move out. Finding rent that’s affordable while working only 16 hours a week is not fun. Hopefully a potential roommate situation works out so I can cross this one off of my list. I don’t want to jinx it, so if you don’t read her blog, you won’t know unless it works out!

A million and one things are going through my mind at any moment and the amount of energy it takes for me to slow down those thoughts and focus on something is double the amount it should take. I am wearing myself out and I’m not sure how to get settled into this schedule. I’m starting my fifth week and I’m feeling more behind than ever.

I feel bad complaining because I’m sure people have it way worse than me. I know I won’t quit school. I’m determined to finish, but something needs to change. I can’t maintain this type of schedule for the next two-three years. And please don’t tell me it will get easier. If I’m struggling now with the basics, how will it be when I get into the harder courses?

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good luck on those crazy tests. I would encourage you to write some cheat information on your leg or something and wear a skirt, but that stuff always ends badly in movies so maybe that’s a no go.

good luck in the roommate situation!

It can be hard to get back into the swing of education again! All I can say is hang in there, somehow things always seem to get better. You seem determined to make everything work because you keep giving and putting the time in and I have no doubt you will succeed

Oh hon. I’m so sorry. Of course your circumstances are your own, but I know how it feels to be so overwhelmed. I won’t say that it will get easier. I mean, it will, but we both know it will get harder after that. That’s the way life is, I’m afraid.

You’ve got to set some boundaries with your family. I understand guilt and duty and reluctant love, but they will suck you dry if you let them. You can still honor, love and support them within reasonable limits. It’s crucial to your survival, I think.

I hope things lighten up a little soon. I also hope that somewhere under the stress and fatigue, you can still feel your strength. Because it’s there.

xoxo

No doubt about it, you have a very full plate right now. The classes you are taking aren’t easy and taking them all together is mind boggling. I really hope your roomie situation works out, lightening the family load would certainly help, no?

Its okay to vent and Rant maybe that will help somewhat! I will send some energy you way! Take time to breath deep soothing breaths everyday and focus you mind. Take good care of yourself.

Sending some serious e-hugs your way.

Also, I just have to add that I had a lot more trouble with the intro classes in college than the “advanced” ones. Not saying it will get easier, just saying how it was for me.

Hey
sorry to hear that 24 hrs in a day isn’t enough right now (i know how you feel!! last year when i was at school, i thought i was going to lose my marbles!)
anyways, i came across this site (www.streetanatomy.com/blog), and I automatically thought of you.
if you haven’t already seen it, i UBER suggest checking it out! i ‘heart’ it

I know exactly how this feels and it’s shit. Total shit. At least you’re aware and proactive and trying to figure things out. Can we help at all??

For what it’s worth, I’m going through the family and finances related guilt thing too.

So… you’re not alone. Which might be totally useless but I thought I’d tell you that.

You’re not alone. Here’s my day: Up at 0600, feed and water pets out the door by 0620 (any later and i miss my bus). in the gym by 0630 until 0745, shower, dress, work until 1630 home for 1700, 30 minutes tvtime, study till 1830, dinner, study till 2045, 1 hour Tv time, bed at 2200, sleep at 2230 at the latest or i can’t function the next day.

The key is organisation, if you have food/books/stuff all ready before you go bed you get a better night’s sleep because you know you don’t have to do it in the morning and you save yourself 10-15 minutes.

Anything you can get onto a device to read/listen to while travelling is great. Last year i got audio-books to study to while i was travelling and at work. I’m sure you can d/l onto your blackberry and maybe read notes in your work breaks?

if you have all your classes every day you need to study for all of them every day. Make sure you do no more than 45 minutes without a break, even if the break is to pee or make a cuppa. then switch topics because it will refresh your brain

Lastly, don’t panic! You know you can do this, we all know you can do this so give yourself time to relax x

I guess the thing is to try not to let everything overwhelm you. Problem is, it’s hard to work out how to do that. I hope you feel a bit less pressured soon.

And good luck with your upcoming tests!

I know yo ulove school and everything, but if it’s causing you so much stress that you’re feeling sick over it, maybe you should actually consider dropping out this year. I would suggest dropping a couple of courses, but you said you need a certain amount of credits to get those grants… Why don’t you take a year off, work to save up some money to pay for rent and food and other expenses for next year? That way, you can take the same course load but not have to work, leaving you more time to accomplish school work. My friend Adam did that last year; he went to Yellowknife to work for six months at a hotel, because the money was amazing and, since he was working at a hotel, he got affordable housing during his stay. He made enough money to pay for the next two years of school, and living expenses. He’s back in school this year, and working 8 hours a week (two four-hour shifts on weekends) to make some extra pocket money.

It just sounds like you’re spreading yourself too thin, and everything is suffering for it. It’s just not worth it. You need to know when to take a step back and breathe.

It won’t get easier, it’ll get more manageable as you settle into a routine. Plus all that nasty math shit will be out of the way!

It won’t get easier, but you’ll step up and adapt. Having just put ten years of school behind me, I think the best piece of advice I can give you, is listen to the lectures and read the books. That will make everything easier, and you will feel like your head is above water more often.

Oh hon, you sound like me… I feel that way almost every day NOW, and I don’t know HOW I managed to get through 3 years of school to get my Master’s in a city that was 2 hours north of me (3 in rush hour traffic) while also working a 9-hour-a-day job, the joys of pet and home ownership, and homework. But you WILL figure it out. And you WILL get through it. And I will keep sending you *HUG*s!!!

I’m gonna throw positive vibes your way now. I hope they get to you.

I really don’t miss this part of college.

Paul

You’re right - there isn’t much we can say to make you feel better. The only logical thing I can offer is … (1) When you do get new housing, consider moving closer to school, so you can sleep in a little more and/or stay up a little later doing work. And (2) don’t answer the phone. I mean it. I know you feel bad that your dad and aunt rely on you. And just because you don’t answer the phone doesn’t mean you don’t care. But, you’ve got to take care of Jenn for a bit. And right now, Jenn needs uninterrupted time to herself. Call them back when the time suits you, not the other way around.

Oh god I remember this phase while in college. I think Dutchess right though that once you get a routine things will settle down. You are also taking classes that are not no-brainers. Kudos to you!

You know what, sweetie? If you ignore those phone calls that might.. actually do you a world of good.

It’s not YOUR fault that you’re all they have. And it’s definitely not your responsibility to help them mend. Your dad needs to stop askin’ for money and I don’t think you should give it to him either (not saying you have been, I don’t know those details).

But seriously, screw the both of ‘em. Your life is important and so is your school work and I remember having THE HARDEST time in undergrad coming to terms w/shit because of all the drama back home.

You just have to learn to focus on you. And i know, it sounds like it’s easier said than done, but it’s completely doable.

I <3 you!

::HUGGLES::

You can do this. Deep breath. School of Rock baby.

And let’s go climb a mountain and throw some rocks. Dad first. Damn it. He made his bed. He should sleep in it. Not yours. That’s just WRONG.
(I mean that in a not gross way) I want to jujitsu him all the way to Wisconsin.

*passes Jenn a beer*

you need this more than I do. I know it’s early morning still but…

take a sip.

I think I just had an anxiety dream in the middle of reading this post. I wish there was a way you could major in MS Paint, I know you’d be aces.

Don’t apologize for being stressed out. It is damn hard to be a student these days and somehow make ends meet. It feels like university was intended for rich people with cars and no worries sometimes. And, yes, don’t pick up that phone, and don’t take away the time you need to keep sane, whether it is watching house or writing.

Oh, boy. Been there, done that. For two years I worked FT and went to school FT (and supported my deadbeat then-husband)… and, no, I won’t tell you that it will get any easier, because it won’t. But what will happen, if you decide to keep going, is that you’ll learn how to prioritize, how to get by on less sleep, how to say “no” when you really *can’t* do something, and take advantage of down time when it presents itself.

I will say this, though: not answering those calls? You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else, and you shouldn’t feel any guilt about that. Namaste.

seriously jenn, complain and rant away. no need to keep it all bottled up if it’s bothering you. but i have a feeling you’ll get through school swimmingly, you’re such a smarty pants

as for the other stuff, we’re all here for you. so keep on venting and hopefully it’ll all work out.

I’m sorry school is being so mean to you. Giving you a hug right now. Feel free to rant and Paint-image your way through it.

Man Jenn. You ARE busy. The classes that you’re taking are hard enough withOUT a job. But, I know you’ll make it through. Good luck.

If it makes you feel any better you’re not alone! I’m a full time student and work full time too and COMPLETELY feel for you. I’ve been there a million times and I’ll tell you what my friends tell me every time I have a nervous breakdown because I think I can’t handle it anymore: It always ends well. You always figure out a way to manage it all.

I’m sure that’s true for you - you’ll manage, it’s just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there.

ok, one more brilliant site.
hope this aids in relieving SOME stress!
http://thinkanatomy.com/

I seriously just want to hug you right now, because I’m feeling you completely. I work full time, and go to school full time, and I feel like I NEVER have any time to catch up on anything. It’s really rough- but seriously, don’t quit. Things will eventually start to flow- and if they don’t? There’s only a couple of months left ;).

These are the moments when a good glass of red wine does the trick. Try it…you’ll feel immediately better.

Struggling with the little things and surviving the little things makes you better equipped to deal with the bigger things that are coming your way :o)I’ll never tell you it’ll get easier, but you’re preparing yourself for dealing with the harder things and you’re a tough cookie - I know you’ll come out on top! <3

smile. remmeber people love you. haul ass and push yourself this semester and next semester take 1 class for fun. seriously. dont answer guilt phonecalls. you can join the bad dad club with me and B because we know about manipulative money wanting dads. i thin you need to move out and get a fabulous roomate to drink wine, watch tyra and gossip girl with, bitch, cry, and eat cupcakes *hug*

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Sep

23

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