Free and Flawed » Blog Archive » The one in which my trainer kicked my ass

Jul

8

The one in which my trainer kicked my ass

Filed In: Funny things, Paint, Personal

::Conversation I had with myself in the mirror post-workout::
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Hellooooo abs!
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Hello ladies. Welcome back. I hope you don’t mind if I caress your curves tonight. I haven’t seen you in so long I forgot how nice you feel. Can I get you anything? A hot pocket? Pillow? Are you comfortable? I hope you stay for a while…
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Last night I had my last session with my trainer. Thinking it would be more laid back like last week, I walked in feeling good. It probably helps that I had a two hour nap before. Last week was all about toning. This week must have been about killing me. Eff the basics. He wanted me to do super planks/super duper planks, super lunges, super squats and a ridiculous amount of weight at the machines. He really did say super and super duper. He even through in a “fantabulous” here and there. Walking out of there I was sure I’d fall because my legs felt like goo.
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I surpassed all of my previous times and weights. The number of reps increased as we went along. My bubbly personality quickly turned devious. I basically told him to sleep at the gym because I’d be outside waiting for him if he left. I kind of wanted to kick him in his face. Of course he laughed and underestimated the awesomeness of my muscles upon muscles.
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At one point he told me that I had the best squats he’s ever seen. I’m pretty sure he was looking at my toosh. That’s what I’m going to tell myself because honestly, who cares about squats? Squats get you no where. Now a nice ass…that’s where it’s at.
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After I left the gym, I felt sad. I develop these relationships with people and I have been watching them walk out of my life a lot lately. Wow…melodramatic much? Very. I know I hated him at first, but he’s a pretty kick ass guy. I like that he pushed me. I’m worried that I won’t go to the gym as much now and when I do, I won’t push myself nearly as hard. I am considering signing up for another 20 sessions. They have a special going on until the end of July and I could save some money. I’m all for saving money. So I’m going to think about it and see if I can budget it.
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Until then, my gym mishap stories might be few and far between. I’m sorry. But I can always write about how the Wii Fit insults my balance!

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I want a trainer. But first, I’d like to interview them. Sort of a reality show audition where I grill them about what music they like, how much cheese they eat, and what petnames they’d call me to make me feel better after they reduce me to tears.

I would sign back up. Know what’s funny? My WH would probably be perfectly happy to ride my ass while I work out- not that he has any training on form or anything, but still. When you’re single, you’ll pay a trainer to help you get in shape. When you’re married, you’ll figure up a crazy plan so that your husband isn’t around when you work out, lest he make a comment.

Is personal trainer the best job ever? For a guy – he gets to sit there and yell at people WHILE torturing them. Added bonus of being in the gym working with beautiful women all day. What the hell was I thinking with this office job?

I still think you should have slept with him…

that picture is sooooo wrong. I haven’t been on my WiiFit in a week and I’m afraid what he is going to say to me….though I have been breaking world records in the Olympics (which btw is a GREAT triceps workout)

i need a trainer! and a wii fit dammit. (they are impossible to find)
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i would totally sign up again.

I did my “free sessions” at my last gym with a trainer and it was horrible. I’m sure it was just a sucky person, but I haven’t tried one since.

I would love, LOVE to have a personal trainer. And I know what you mean about leaving friendships behind. I guess I’m a little melodramatic too…

I need someone to kick my ass. I’ve known this for years. I just know trainers can be expensive

You should do it!

I wish my abs would talk to me like yours talk to you! Mine like to play hide and seek. They hide and let me tell you, they are damn good hiders.

hooray for abs! i want some. i working with a keg right now not a 6 pack.
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and as for wii fit. my fit age is 35!! 35. but man do i do an awesome ski jump.

See, that’s where they GET you. You’re not saving money, you’re SPENDING money! I’m all about diligence at the gym. I think you could do it by yourself!

Angela -
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I could do it on my own. I’m completely capable, but I’m not motivated. I don’t lose anything if I don’t go to the gym for one week. If there was a trainer waiting for me, well I’d be wasting his time. Eh…it makes sense in my head.

My current “trainer” is a workout that I write down in my day planner. It’s a bit ass-kicking, but I don’t think my squats match yours yet.

oh i’m right there with you on the melodrama… have people walking out of my life left and right at the moment too. DO NOT LIKE.
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am still so uber-impressed you stuck with the trainer though. i had abs for about 2 weeks.. i miss them.

I know what you mean about the trainer being all about motivation. When I worked at a gym it came with a free training package for a month & I used it and absolutely loved it. I was never in better shape than when I was on it! It was all about the motivation for me, too.

i am seriously considering getting a trainer for a couple sessions too. i would love to see my abs again,

I’m getting ready to say bye bye to my physical therapist, which is basically my personal trainer–except we only work on my core and leg muscles. I am so going to miss that lady… I am already obsessing over our last session, asking my boyfriend, “Would it be weird if I was friends with my physical therapist? I really want to hang out with her!” It is weird, right?

There’s a reason trainers are expensive. The good ones are worth it. If you can swing it, it’ll be worth signing up for more sessions. Especially if you can spread them out over a longer period of time and fill in the gaps between sessions with your own workouts inspired by your trainer!

It doesn’t help that I read this post while listening to The Bryant Park Project interviewing a guy about beer brewing. In other words, this comment is useless.

Does anyone else think that picture looks a little naughty? No, just me? K, I need to get me some tonight.

I think if you have the money, sign up. It’s an investment in yourself!

I wish I could afford a personal trainer.

God I love you. You crack me up. “Caress your curves?” Do you and your abs need a few minutes alone? I love that you offered them a Hot Pocket, so thoughtful!

I’m going to miss your trainer stories so much! Hooray for abs though!

Aww, sadness for the last session! Happiness for super abs, though!
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I’m already pondering how the heck I’m going to get my pre-baby body back. Seriously.. this pregnancy thing.. it royally messes your body up. But, I know it’ll all be worth it.

I think your paint skillz are, if possibly, getting better the whole time.
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