Hey everyone \’96 Jenn is taking a night off from
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blogging so it\’92s Jessica from Everyday Adventures here
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to entertain you for the bargain price of $1. The
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economy is tough right now so I hope at this low, low
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price I will be a suitable replacement for the
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evening.
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So let\’92s get back to the title of tonight\’92s post \’96
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nature\’92s gentle creatures and their conspiracy to
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destroy me. Yes, my name is Jess and I think the
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animals are out to get me, probably because they know
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I fear them. They can smell it on me like knock-off
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Chanel No. 5.
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I really wish I had a good story to justify my fear of
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animals, like I was mauled by a bear as a child or I
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was bitten by a rabid bat and magically survived, but
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sadly I can only come up with these answers:
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1. I\’92m a sissy
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2. I have no idea
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3. I\’92m a sissy (sh*t I already said that)
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It\’92s a little from column A, B and C. You can ask any
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of my friends about this because they all know, I will
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never hold their pets (because I\’92m afraid of them,
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especially the elderly cats, who I think will somehow
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work up the strength to maul me) and I tend to get
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very nervous and skittish around them \’96 again
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primarily around cats, which are the most popular pet
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among my friends. It\’92s something about their eyes I
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swear.
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For example, my friend\’92s cat is very sensitive and
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when she noticed I was super nervous around her, she
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actually hissed and pawed at me, causing me to freak
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out and demand that she be put in her \’93time out\’94 area
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because I would become visibly nervous whenever she
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was around. My friend of course laughed at me but
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complied.
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Another example, my heterosexual life partner Ryan\’92s
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cat always scratches at the chairs I sit in whenever I
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come over (never the ones anyone else sits in) and
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stares at me while we\’92re watching television. I can\’92t
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tell if it\’92s part conspiracy to drive me crazy or
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partly that he\’92s mad I\’92m making him fight for Ryan\’92s
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attention. Again, might be a little of both.
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Don\’92t get me wrong, I love pictures of animals,
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especially bunnies. They melt my heart and always make
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me smile. And I\’92m very comfortable around any animal
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that\’92s in a cage or behind protective glass but once
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they\’92re \’93wild\’94 and loose, I start to freak out because
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well, they\’92re after me!
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And that\’92s not meant to sound conceited that animals
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are only after me for that purpose (I am a personal
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afterall) but it\’92s unusually convenient that birds
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always fly low over my head, squirrels get dangerously
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close, cats hiss and paw at me and dogs go into a
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barking frenzy when I walk by on the street.
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Coincidence? I think not.
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So while I want a dog, I don\’92t want to live in fear of
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him/her or let them rule the house. I\’92m queen of the
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Chicago castle I call home. And despite my friends
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telling me that once I get a cat I\’92ll get over this
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fear, I honestly don\’92t know if I want to work that
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hard to make my male or female cat love me. If I
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wanted to work that hard, I\’92d be out trying to find me
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a man.
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So that is my guest-blogging confession. Be gentle in
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teasing me and don\’92t threaten to unleash the Noah\’92s
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Ark of animals upon my apartment. I will just cower in
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fear and that\’92s not good for anyone, especially me.
