The best thing I can give | Free and Flawed

Jun

4

Filed In: Personal, Relationships

I’ve always been eager to throw money away - by that I mean I enjoy throwing change into bodies of water. As a child it was exciting to see all the shiny coins at the bottom. It was fun reaching in to grab as much as I could with my tiny hands before someone noticed. I thought the money was left there because people didn’t want it anymore. I wanted it. I didn’t really grasp the concept of wishes just yet. I’ve since learned it’s best to leave people’s wishes alone - karma, you know? I don’t want any bad ju-ju.
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I still rummage through pockets and purses to find loose change to throw into fountains. I’ve changed the rules a bit. I call them hopes instead of wishes. I never liked that if you shared your wish then it wouldn’t come true. I always want to tell people what I wish for. I figure there’s nothing in the rule book about hopes so why not call them that?
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I remember a couple years ago I was waiting outside of Union Station with my friend Dan-o, throwing change into the Chicago River. I think I spent nearly $5 on hopes that night. I hoped for everything from warmer weather to my throat not being sore. I lost my voice the next day, but it wasn’t sore! My favorite place to hope is the “foot bath” (I dubbed it that) at Millennium Park. I only discovered it last year but have already been there with some of my favorite people.
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I went to the “foot bath” over the weekend with Jamie and thought about the last time I was there. It was around the same time last year with *him.* I remembered throwing my hopes (or pennies) in the water and watching him as he made his. My hopes always change. I feel selfish when I hope for myself. With every penny I’ve thrown in the last two years, I threw in another one hoping for his happiness. Even this past weekend, I still hoped he’d find happiness.
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Selfishly I thought that he had found it with me. So I guess my hopes were that he’d stay. Obviously such is not the case, but I truly hope he finds happiness now. With or without me. I might need to use a nickel or dime next time.
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P.S. Just to show that my hopes don’t always revolve around someone else, I did hope for an affordable and beautiful trip to Mexico with Jamie. See? If I wished that, I couldn’t tell you and none of you would know that we’re planning this. Feel free to throw some change into a wishing well and keep your fingers crossed that we don’t have to sell a kidney for a hotel room.
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*Note: That is NOT Jamie’s foot in the picture haha!

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I like the concept of hopes rather than wishes. I still touch the clock and make a wish/hope when it reads 11:11. Where in Mexico are you planning to go? That sounds like fun! Here’s to hoping you get to keep both kidneys

you guys shuold go on a cruise…in december…carnival fantasy…dec 13th to be exact…out of New Orleans…goes to mexico……..
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i know some cool chicks going on one exactly like that!

Wow, I have a very similar memory with my first love. We were tossing change into a canal in Ireland having a serious moment on the last day before I had to move home when this “traveling poet” (read: seedy character) asks if he can recite us a poem. I am on the verge of an emotional breakdown and say that it’s not a good time and that I don’t have any money to offer him. He insists that it’s not about the money.
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He performs his random poem, I say thank you, he asks for money. I give him literally the last 35 cents in my pocket, he has a complete freak-out saying how insulting that is and throws all of it into the water, cursing me out as he walks through the crowded streets.
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Yeah. Memories are fun…hopes are better.

There is a fountain on the River Walk in New Orleans that I threw a bunch of change in with my Ex. I hoped that we would be together and things would work out. That one day we would be married. But my hopes changed.
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Next time I am at a fountain, I will throws some pennies in for you and hope that you find the happiness that you deserve.

Ahhhhhh, Mexico! I hope that YOUR hope for that comes true!
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I don’t throw pennies into fountains all that often, but sometimes I will. If it’s something I’m truly hoping for.

I LOVE how the blogosphere seems to have done such a great job of bringing folks together.
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For seriously.
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ps: THREE WEEKS FROM FRIDAY!

I’ve been reading you blog for about a month now and I have to say, I’m sorry about your last relationship. Why do men do such things? Why can they not be in touch with their feelings and be honest with us so we don’t get so attached to someone who doesn’t feel the same way? (I guess it hits a little close to home right now) Anyhow, I’m glad to see that you can wish for him to be happy and that you seem to be healing and moving on with your life. I hope it only continues to get better and I know you’ll find someone who is just as crazy about you as you are about them. Thanks for sharing.

i love the foot bath at millenium park! i discovered it while i was there about two years ago and walked around in it for a good 20 minutes.

okay first thing I thought when I seen this, was that is SO not my foot. hahaha
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Yes. Mexico. Yes. Lemon Drops.

I do the clock thing too — not just on 11:11 though. 12:12 and 10:10 are acceptable times as well. I like the hope idea. I always make the exact same wish, but I can’t ever tell anyone because it’s a wish.

You need a pedicure.
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Okay, seriously. That was lovely. I am sorry you are sad about *him* leaving. You know it doesn’t necessarily mean that you wouldn’t make him happy. Sometimes it’s not the right time and place.

I hope your hopes come through.

It sooooo is her foot.

I love the idea of calling them hopes instead of wishes. I hope for your healing, your happiness and your beautiful trip to Mexico with a great friend.

I love everything about this- simply enough.

That’s one thing that age can’t take away–regardless of the fact that I’m getting older I still have wishes and hopes and dreams. And I still throw pennies into fountains wondering if they’ll come true.
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It’s nice to believe in that, right?

After a while, I decided to always have the same wish when I threw money. I thought it would have a better chance of coming true that way. It didn’t work.

i always make wishes at fountains. i’m like you and i just can’t help it. i wish on everything. granted i do like your way of calling them hopes instead, cause then maybe i could tell someone about them, haha. i’m sort of superstitious.

i like to think your mexico trip has spawned from my trip posts and excitement \

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heres a tip - sign up for travelzoo alerts RIGHT NOW! they send you weekly emails with the top 20 trips on their site. they are hella cheap! you can plan your trip through one of these and prob save almost 1/2! think week in mexico for $600…

Fingers crossed you get the trip! And I giggled reading the end of this- I suspected the leg wasn’t Jamie’s but I like how you confirmed that it wasn’t.

I love that you hope instead of wish. As a child, I enjoyed tossing coins into the fountains and wishing for anything that crossed my mind — from a pony (this was a frequent wish) to making a good grade. It’s funny how our perspective changes as we grow up.
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This is beautifully written, Jenn.

I was about to say that Jamie had more manly feet than I do.

i still wish on the first star i see for clancy’s happiness. it’s painful, but you can’t just turn those feelings off ya know? i totally understand.

I still have to see the bean… and when I do… I will try out your foot bath! I have family in Chicago and hope to return for a visit in the not so distant future. (So far, the only time I’ve been to your fair city was for Lollapalooza ‘06. Rawk!)

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Jun

4

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