Dear Jenn,
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Hey, it’s me. No. Not Jiminy Cricket. I’m that third voice of yours. Guilt and anger took a vay-cay day and I’m all that’s left here. I’ve been taking a back seat to those two for a couple weeks now and I have to be honest with you, I’m not liking it. At all. Guilt is always moping around with its head hanging low. It’s all like “Eh, should I do this or that? I feel this way, but I’m not sure. Oh maybe I’ll whine some more. Do you think I should get my own blog?” I can’t take it! Then Anger is all like, “What the eff?! This is not a Super F-word Yeah day! Who changed the channel? I’m trying to watch my stories and Guilt won’t shut up! I swear to the spirit of Elvis that I am going to punch you in the eye Guilt. With a brick!”
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See what I mean? So it’s nice having a break from those guys. Between the wallowing and the screaming, I’ve had very little opportunity to put in my two cents (and play Rock Band).
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Whatcha doing there? Not really sticking to that whole “please don’t contact me” thing are you? Do you really think that’s the best idea? You seem to be struggling with it a bit. Slacker. Okay I’m sorry, that was unnecessary. I’m just worried that you’re not taking the best care of yourself.
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No, no. I know you work out. (I’m not really sure you can call this working out). That’s not what I mean. I’m talking emotionally. You’re not letting yourself heal, or even feel for that matter. You’re pushing back memories and really repressing a lot of thoughts. I kind of want you to cry a bit. Now that you’re talking to him you need to remember that things aren’t the same. He’s not The Boyfriend anymore. This is why you wanted to take that communication break, so you could detach yourself from The Boyfriend and later on, welcome a friend.
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I don’t like where this is going and I’m afraid you’re going to get hurt again. Please be careful. I can’t clean up after Anger and you. Need I mention the cat on the TV debacle?
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Okay so you’re crying now….I didn’t mean at work. Damnit I really need a raise. I’m going to play Rock Band now. Keep your chin up, kay? Stop it! I know you played Rock Band with him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t play it!
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Whatever crazy lady,
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Your third voice.
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EDIT: I need to clarify something. I DO NOT have Rock Band. My third voice in it’s imaginary home has an imaginary Rock Band. So, for all of you who said “Keep playing!” I only wish I could. Sorry for the confuzzledness.
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22 users responded in this post
Aww.. It’s okay to cry. It really is a necessary part of healing, I think. Did I mention that it took me over a year to fully get over my first real boyfriend? It takes time, so be gentle with yourself. Also, is your third voice really blonde?
i LOVE rock band, but i broke the drum pedal. twice. (fyi, if yours has not busted, i suggest visiting ebay for for drum pedal plates. because they’re made out of cheap plastic and will eventually break.)
I went a whole month before I really let myself cry about it. I start to get choked up and I’d just push it all away and pretend to be happy again. Just recently is when I’ve started to feel it all….and…well…it’s fucking terrible. BUT! Always a but. There’s not a chance heartbreak is ever easy…but I’m assuming the sooner you feel it, the sooner you can heal.
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i’m with you lady. hang in there.
i’m still not as “okay” as i’d like after my own ordeal.. i’ve decided it’s time to call in the cavalry and talk to a therapist. i refuse to let this bad breakup affect my future relationships, dammit.
When WH and I ever broke up, I starting dating again immediately. I thought this was the best way to heal. And it was, though I’m not sure my dates appreciated my racking sobs while they were trying to make out with me.
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Keep your chin up, honey. I would set aside 15-30 minutes a day to be sad and cry, and then go ahead and stuff it the rest of the day. That little mourning period every day might help let off some steam so that you don’t get blindsided when the dam breaks.
Aww Jenn it’s okay to cry and whine. I think you just gotta let it all out and not hold anything back. And yes play lots of Rock Band, lots and lots
I like your third voice. She makes very valid points.
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Also? I know this is hard right now — but detaching yourself really may be a good idea. That? And feeling whatever you want to feel w/out the guilt.
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Fuck guilt. That bitch is annoying.
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Oh, and Chicago? NEXT MONTH. MAXIE AND I WILL SEE YOU NEXT. MONTH!
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ONE. MONTH. AWAY.
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Happy thoughts! Whenever possible, at least.
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::hugs::
That voice is hard to listen to sometimes, eh?
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Hugs to you today.
that voice is one smart lady! she kinda reminds me of you ; )
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i KNOW you’ll be fine. know why? because you write things like the above post. it takes a strong person to call out and admit to their own flaws.
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hug.
the friend thing is near impossible. and how i wound up going for round #2. just be careful. only you can decide what’s best for YOU.
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and yes, you should still play rock band
I’m glad guilt and anger are taking some va-cay time!
What is Rock Band?
Aw hon. Listen to your third voice. It’s ok to cry. Even at work. I used to do it a lot.
I 100% agree with your third voice. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND THINK POSITIVE. You can’t let yourself get too down. I still have my “down” days, but we’ve gotta let ourselves heal!
I’m glad the positive is peeking it head through the cloud of darkness. Whatever it is that comes to you, just feel it and don’t stuff feelings. They grow ugly heads and come back later!
Another great Paint picture. Very well done!
Nothing wrong with it.
Well. You should buy the game then if that’ll cheer you up ;).
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I kid, I know that’s not the point. I love the way you did this- and I think you’re absolutely right. One of the hardest things after a breakup is trying to figure out where ti draw the line when forming a new friendship. How often do you talk? What do you talk about? There’s a ton of questions to ask. Just hang in there and feel whatever you need to feel, whenever you feel it- if that makes any sense at all!
Sometimes repression is necessary…so long as you understand that’s what you’re doing. Which you obviously do.
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You’ll get to a point where you’ll suddenly decide to do something and a little piece of you will heal itself
You deserve a rock band damnit.
I still don’t talk to my ex. He emailed me a month ago and I still haven’t replied. I know if I start trying to be friends now I’m just going to regress in the healing process! And I do want to be friends with him later down the line, and for that to happen I have to keep him out of my life until the thought of him doesn’t make my heart ache even a little bit anymore. God, it’s been nearly 2 months since we broke up! Weird. I’ll probably start talking to him again when I move in Sept…unless he comes back to visit in the summer and contacts me.
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I hope everything will be ok for you. Just know that I totally know where you’re coming from!! xoxo
I love your Paint drawings. . . and I’m sorry you don’t have RockBand. I’m slowing catching up on your blog posts!
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