You say morbid, I say prepared

May

20

Filed In: Personal

A little over two years ago I started carrying a note with me inside of my wallet. I keep it behind my license - just in case. In case for what? Well, in case something happens to me and I’m unable to talk.
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I keep it tucked between my license and body donor ID card. I figured those would be the two cards people would want to see most - unless somebody was robbing my unconscious body. Not cool people, not cool. Some may call me paranoid or morbid, but I like to think of it as being prepared. Death doesn’t scare me as much as not being able to say goodbye. And having so many people I care about in other states, I realized that I would never know if something happened to them.
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At the time I wrote this, the boyfriend and I were, well I guess we were always in different states. He was in Boston and I was in Chicago. I wanted someone to be able to tell him if something happened to me. So I made sure to include his name, phone number and a small message for him in my note. I wrote that I loved him before I told him. I knew that I would some day. I also included one for my best friend Dan, giving him my cats, and my parents. I figure these are the immediate people who would need to know, they can spread the word from there.
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But now that I’m looking at it, I wonder if I should update it. Do I keep the ex-boyfriend on there? Do I still want who ever finds it to know that I love him and that he needs to take breaks and live his life? Am I really sure that I don’t want to say something more along the lines of “Thanks for breaking my heart?” No no, I don’t want to do that.
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I’m curious how often I should update this note. Who do I put on it? Should I leave my blog info so my mom can notify my blogger friends of my unfortunate demise? When writing a message to those I do include on the note, what do I say? It’s difficult thinking of your last words to somebody.
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What would you say? Do any of you carry these “just in case” notes with you?

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46 Comments so far
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wow I never thought to do that. It’s a good idea but I’m not sure what I would include…
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*walks away to ponder…

Wow, I never thought of doing something like that. I think, to me, it’s too sad to think about. Maybe i’m just a sap, though.
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It is smart, though, you know–just in case.

hmm, i’ve never though to do this, but i actually don’t think it’s a bad idea. sometimes i envision my funeral and who would be there (that’s morbid!). i would like to be able to say goodbye to everyone i love, but i know that’s not always possible. you don’t choose when you die.
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i think you should keep it in your wallet. maybe just update it when something changes, like a boyfriend.

I DO say morbid. In fact, I said it before I saw the title of this post. Though it is sort of touching.

i think that is such a smart idea i may have to make a note like that too. i have a general paper in my desk at home that has my login info to things so people can close it for me and what have you. but an actual note with me, i had never considered it. not morbid at all, it’s being prepared.

What you really should do is give you parents or a sibling or a trusted friend a notarized will and medical directive. Even if you don’t have anything to leave behind besides a measly savings account and your 401k. That way the state doesn’t get you money, which they would if you don’t leave a notarized will; and you family doesn’t have to make medical decisions, because you’ve already made them. You can find forms online to do these yourself for free and then all you need to do is find a notary. I’m a firm believer in preparedness.

I was a little taken aback at the idea at first, but after reading through the whole post- it really makes sense. As for updating? I’m not sure how I would go about that, or what I would say. But know that now I’ll be thinking about this all day!

Oh damn… i thought about the blog thing too recently. i wondered if i died how will my blog friends know?
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i don’t carry any note tho, but my note would be short… “love you mom! i’m dead… spread the word!”

i had a similar note in my wallet as well, oddly enough. i should write about it too. i took it out a few days ago. not sure what to do with it. i’ll probably update it eventually, but i’m just not ready.

Interesting. I just labeled WH as my husband in my phone so they’d know who to call. I would update it. Or, hell, if anyone reads it, you won’t be around to be embarrassed. Haunt his ass!
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You know what this post made me think of? An article I read about a guy who wrote letters to his family to be mailed on the five year anniversary of his death. His secretary kept them and send them out when the time came. People freaked when they got them, maybe that’s more my style.

awwwww. im thinking you should include your blog login information so that WE all can be alerted.
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ok really, that was way too morbid and depressing. bummer.

I used to do this when I rode a motorcycle. I was a very safe rider, but you never know. I kept a note in my wallet that said where I was coming from, where I was going to (if it was a long trip), and who to contact. I even had phone numbers.

I’ve never thought of doing this, but I might have to now. Seems genius.

I think it’s a good idea. Really. I’m kind of thinking of doing it myself now.

Jeez. How do you decide who makes the cut?

Ben -
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It was pretty easy for me. My love, my best friend and my parents. Obviously I can’t have 20+ letters in my wallet. But I know that those people will spread the word and know me well enough so if I only write one or two lines, they’d know I felt so much more than just those lines.
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croixian1 -
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That’s a really good idea.
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Alexa -
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I think I will add my blog info.
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Verybadcat -
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That reminds me a little bit of P.S. I Love You.
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The Maiden Metallurgist -
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That’s a really good idea

This is never something I considered doing, but it is a good idea. Sometimes I joke with Steve and tell him that if I die, he has to drive my body home to NH to my parents. He knows I’m only half joking, but I guess that without an actual legal will, there is only so much I can say or do at this point, should something happen to me before I am married.

I don’t carry a *just in case* note. However, a couple years ago, ICE was making the rounds. That stands for In Case of Emergency. You’re supposed to program numbers into your phone so paramedics know who to call. I have too many …
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ICE Mom & Dad (in Boston)
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ICE Aunt (local)
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ICE Sweets (fiance)
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ICE C (my best pal)
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A little less personal but lets people know who to contact first. Instead of calling that dude who I used to work with but haven’t talked to in ages.

definitely nix the ex. and as of yet, I don’t carry anything like that in my wallet but it sounds like a pretty decent idea.

Hey.. thanks for the comment. And personally, I like the idea of the “Open in Case of Emergency” letter. Nice idea…. Also, great voice in your writing.

I never thought of this, but I love it. I\’92m going to make my own. You should include your blog information.

I don’t have anything like that either, but I think it’s a darn good idea! Definitely more prepared than morbid.
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As for redoing it every so often, I would. I don’t think I’d include my ex boyfriend anymore, especially if I was with someone new!

I think this is fantastic. What do you say? I’m gonna do one I think. This is what I have so far:
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I love you always. Maybe now more than ever and I think I’ll be able to find ways to show you that. I know you’re hurting but please pay attention because I’ll surprise with little bright spots from time to time. I loved every single second of it and you were a big part of that.
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I think that’s what I would want to hear. As for redoing it…it’s not a will. You love who you love and when you feel like it’s time to change it because the life you’re living has changed, you can just do it.
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I like your approach- I don’t think people talk about death enough.

I don’t carry anything like that but it is a good idea. Interesting.
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I just want to clarify something that The Maiden Metallurgist said:
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You DO NOT need a notarized will or even a will in most states. If you don’t have one, whatever you have will pass through your estate (blood relatives).
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Now, having a will is a good idea but I would not suggest doing this on your own as you can completely defeat what you are trying to accomplish by not knowing how the law works. That’s why it’s important to have a lawyer draft your will.

I like the letter idea, but I do think you should update it to not include your ex. My mom works in insurance and gave me a booklet to fill out. It felt morbid, but was a great idea. It lists all of my bank accounts, 401k, life insurance, passwords, what I’d like done with my body, where I keep important things, etc. When my brother died suddenly at 39, it was really hard for them to find all of that stuff. Also, if you aren’t married, it’s a good idea to have a parent listed on your bank account. It took MONTHS before my parents could get out what paltry amounts of money my brother had since they weren’t on the account, and they needed the money to help pay for his burial.

Wow that is prepared and actually a good idea. I would make two versions of the note, one with your parents included and one with the ex-boyfriend. Then you can rotate them as appropriate.

I think the note is a really good idea. Before I had open heart surgery, I had to do all of the power of attorney stuff and I also wrote a note to one of my friends just in case I didn’t wake up. I don’t think this type of thing is overly morbid, it’s practical. You never know what might happen…

I do this ICE thing but I gotta give it to you I think your idea is more proactive (not saying anything shall be happening to you anytime soon) rather than morbid.

I used to do the ICE (in case of emergency) thing in my cell phone. With the new Blackberry, I’m not sure I updated it. I carry an organ donor card and tell everyone I care about how much I love them, but now you have me thinking, what if it’s not enough?

Hmm, you can’t update it too often, because that may become all that you think about. Once or twice a year maybe? At most. Do it when the clocks change, how you’re supposed to check the smoke detectors in your house.
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Behind my driver’s license I have a note that I got in my religion class my junior year of high school. I’m not going to give the story away here in your comments, so I’ll have to remember to blog about it the next time!

I’d write a letter like that every time I got on a plane and then tell someone where I left it in my house.

I dont carry any of those notes with me but oh. my. god. I should.

HuH, never thought of doing that! I guess you can just delete the ex-bf and leave msgs for your closets friends & family :)(Hope you’ll never actually need that note though…!)

I have my Mum as my ICE contact in my mobile (cell) phone. I don’t carry a note, but maybe all you need is something that tells people where in your house to look for important information. then you could write letters to everyone and update them as and when necessary, as well as give them any other details that they might need.

I don’t have one of these and I don’t think I will. Those close to me should know that I love them…
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I would get rid of the ex. If I were you, I’d keep those constants on there (cynical? perhaps!) like your parents and best friends.

A few years ago, my mother tried to get me to notarize a will. I kept putting it off and eventually, it became a document that sits in my file in its non-notarized form. However, I have thought about death and being prepared (every time I get on a plane or go for a long run in the woods, I have to tell someone and remind them of my emergency contact numbers). A note would be something solid I could leave behind and feel more comfortable with (as opposed to a cold legal document…though I still plan on notarizing that thing, it’s nice to leave behind a more personal document).

I’ve thought about doing something like that, maybe not in my wallet. But I can’t bring myself to do it. So, I just try to tell people what I want them to know. And I also know, from the experience when my dad died, the word gets out.

wow, i’d never thought to do that either (just have the ICE in my phone - my parents’ home phone #) but it really is a pretty fantastic idea. i guess it is morbid by definition, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good idea…
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i’ve been meaning to set up a living will for a while now. it just seems like a thoughtful thing to do for the people who have to stick around and deal once i’m gone, you know?

I have done this for the past few years since I have been traveling a lot for work. I usually update it every season.

i don’t keep it in my wallet…but i gave my bro all the passwords to all my computer shit … and on my comp is a document that i’m sure he’ll stumble on …

Ugh, this just reminded me that i need to do my health care proxy forms. Ick. It is practical, but it’s so easy to put off.

thank GOD i’m not the only person who does that!! I did it after i found a note written to me (from my Poppy) after he passed away. it was surreal, but it made me realize i had stuff to say!
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Note: i DO share the love to my family and VIPs everyday, but the note is one last chance of doing so.
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<3

i think the note is a great idea. the ICE in your cell phone is also good, but that’s more for emergencies, an accident or something. the note really lets you express yourself, and would give your loved ones a peace of mind, should they ever doubt any feelings between the two of you. you should definitely update it, maybe once a year? don’t focus all your time on it, but once in awhile for sure.

woah! I think about who I would call if I could make one last phone call, which I guess is kind of like a “mental note” as opposed to an actual one.
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Kinda morbid.

I probably should carry something like that around. Living alone and sometimes working alone, I worry that if something would happen to me it would take a while before the people who need to know would figure out something was wrong. And that really freaks me out.

Crap sakes! I commented on the wrong post.
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I couldn’t think of a better idea other than carrying a will with me at all times, which doesn’t seem likely of a plan. I had “Mom”, “Dad” etc. in my cell pone, but was too concerned with fraternity brothers getting a hold of my phone and calling them at all hours of the night. I’ve since entered their whole names, however after reading this I might reconsider.

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20

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