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Not my artistic skillz.
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Oh Cosmopolitan, you silly nilly! I just finished reading The Sexy List in this month’s issue and I think you have a thing or two to learn about sexy.
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Exhibit A: When asked what the sexiest compliment is the readers chose “You have the most beautiful eyes,” followed by “You have an amazing body.” Now I don’t know if this is Cosmo’s fault or if the readers are just suckers, but come on! Eyes and body?! Is there nothing more original?! I’m sorry, but I think those are two of the cheesiest and most overused compliments. Complimenting my sweet kung fu skills, well-aligned knee caps or my super huge biceps would be sexier. To each their own I guess.
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Exhibit B: The sexiest place to have sex is in the shower. The idea of it sure! But how many showers are built to comfortably fit two people? Not to divulge too much of my own personal history (Hi Mom!) remember that shower floors are slippery and an elbow hitting your eye is NOT sexy. It’s also not sexy when someone slips and pulls the shower curtain down with them. If you have the luxury of having a stand alone shower and not a tub/shower mix, go at it!
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Exhibit C: The sexiest color is black. Why? Of ALL the colors in the world the one void of any character is the sexiest? I will admit that I happen to look fabulous in black though.
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Exhibit D: The sexiest sex scene was between Meredith and McDreamy on Grey’s Anatomy. Is it? While my heart jumped out of my chest when they hooked up at prom at the hospital, I wouldn’t say it’s the sexiest of all time.
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Exhibit E: Sexiest food to eat with your hands. Popcorn. ::insert mouth agape here:: What?! Popcorn! Yes, nothing says sexy like the crunch of popcorn. Hell, I enjoy a man who picks kernels out from between his teeth. And the buttery fingers afterwards? Yep. Love licking the salt off of those. (Ew.)
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Exhibit F: Sexiest actress. Jessica Alba. The runner-up was Angelina Jolie. Personally I believe it should be the other way around. Wait. The old Angelina. The new super skinny unless she’s preggers Jolie doesn’t do it for me anymore.
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Exhibit G: Sexiest TV Show. Grey’s Anatomy. Just because McDreamy and McSteamy are on the show doesn’t make it the sexiest show. What about The Tudors or The L Word? Hell, even SATC!
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Exhibit H: Sexiest looking vegetable. A cucumber. I’m disappointed in you. Just because it looks like a penis doesn’t mean it’s sexy! Your face looks like a cucumber! Be creative!
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Exhibit I: Sexiest way to flirt via technology. Text. That’s also the easiest way to get caught cheating. Watch out!
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Exhibit J: Sexiest Apple gadget. The iPod. Eh. I don’t know. I’d much rather lick the iPhone rather than the iPod. What what iPod are you talking about? Is it the nano? Shuffle? What generation? I need details!
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What is sexy?
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This is sexy.
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
That is a strange list of sexy. I really don’t get the popcorn one at all.
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This was great – thanks for the laugh!
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hahahahaha
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I loved reading this. sweet kung fu skills, lol.
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ew popcorn is not sexy.
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Um…showers…yea…kind of on my list of “not sexy” at the moment.
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Cosmo is a tad out of touch:)
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My vote for sexiest vegetable is the artichoke. I don’t know about everyone else, but I swoon at the sight.
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(Really – a sexiest vegetable category?!)
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dude, showers SUCK for sex. i’ve had very hot PRE-sex in a shower, but the actual sex? god, no.
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also: popcorn. SERIOUSLY.
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after my calf post, clearly i’m in your corner re: sexy compliments
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Those lists crack me up. And I agree about the shower thing (sorry Jenn’s mom!). Can get rather slippery in there….
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Um, yeah. I think you covered it. Who the hell responded to this survey?
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Not to mention that when two people are in the shower at the same time, there’s never enough room under the showerhead for both. That means one person is cold. I get especially cranky when I’m cold, and therefore don’t care to indulge in sex.
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Ew. Could there have been any more obvious, standard answers to these questions? I always thought pears were sort of sexy.
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Ugh, Cosmo. I am convinced that it’s written by 17-year-olds. Eyes and body? Gag. Anyone who says shower sex is sexy clearly has not HAD shower sex, and I am totally with you about the “obvious” vegetable. Then again, I expect nothing less (more?) from good ol’ Cosmo (I read it yesterday in the doctor’s office, and definitely laughed out loud, because I am a jerk).
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Allie -
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Me neither
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Nicole -
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You’re welcome. Thanks for the comment!
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Anonymous Amy -
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Welcome and thank you
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Tiff -
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Right?! It’s tasty, but not sexy.
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Accidentally Me -
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The shower has to be immaculately clean too!
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Laurie -
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I know. It’s sad.
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Alice -
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We should take our own poll.
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Kayleigh -
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Thanks for saying hi to my mom
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Cheryl -
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Stupid people?
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Modern Gal -
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Brilliant point! I am not a fan of being cold in the shower.
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Peaches -
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Sadly, there probably could have.
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Megan -
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You’re not a jerk. They deserved it.
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This just proves that Cosmo sucks. Popcorn? Grey’s Anatomy? Shower sex? I disagree!
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Yeah, The Tudors is the sexiest show ever. Ever.
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Hilarious. Thanks again for a great educational read, Cosmo.
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WHAT? cosmo is dumb.
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Shower sex only works in a shower with two showerheads. And unfortunatelty I don’t live on an episode of MTV Cribs.
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And agree, Iphone is way sexier:)
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hahahahahaha. i haven’t read cosmo in so long and i’m glad that you recapped the article for me. plus, your commentary is SO much better
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Don’t worry Jenn…I skipped right over exhibit B.
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(Thanks for your sympathy Kayleigh)
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ewww that is ridiculous! sometimes those magazines are so far off. I think the ipod is kind of sexy… I’d go with the purple shuffle. Smooth, tiny, chic.
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Jessica Alba = Blah! Jessica Biel is way better.
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oh my gawd! I agree with you about ALL of these! while the shower is probably the sexiest place for foreplay, definitely is NOT the sexiest place for sex. yuck yuck, much too difficult!
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…I feel like red bell peppers are pretty sexy vegetables. but thats just my weird personal opinion.
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As far as sexy television? The sexual tension between Jim and Pam is OUTRAGEOUS. And sexy veggies? Yellow squash— NOT because it’s phallic, but because it’s hard to cook well. And finally, Jessica Alba AND Angelina Jolie but suck. A lot.
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Well, that’s weird. Oh, Cosmo. Popcorn is totally NOT sexy. And Grey’s? Seriously? I agree with you on the Tudors — it’s so good and smutty and good!
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Also, I don’t like Jessica Alba or Angelina Jolie…
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Stupid Cosmo! I’m looking forward to seeing if the UK edition has the same story and what the differences are.
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Oh and Supernatural is by far the sexieset show on TV!
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LOL – I love the cat pic at the end!
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I think red’s the sexiest colour…not black!! Black?? wtf? haha confidence is sexy, and ya gotta have confidence to pull off bright red…plus it’s the colour of love and passion. What’s sexier than that?
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ok. that’s all.
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My favorite compliment ever was when my boyfriend said, “I want to make love to your personality.”
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Also, I used to live in an apartment that had a showerhead that was placed on the wide part of the tub. It was excellent for co-showers, although not necessarily sex.
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Cosmo can suck it, I say.
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Cosmo sucks with giving REALISTIC answers… but you must admit it’s good blog fodder
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