A letter to myself | Free and Flawed

May

1

Filed In: Personal, Relationships

Dear Jenn,
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Please stop Internet stalking him. Stop signing onto MSN to see if he’s on. Don’t wait for him to change his status. You may as well take his blog off of your reader. Stop getting your hopes up when you see “cooking.” His friends aren’t going to blog about it, stop looking there. There’s no reason to carry your phone with you at all times anymore. He’s not going to call. Even if he does, he can leave a message.
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Don’t cry over bread. Yes I know that’s the kind of bread he likes, but Jenn, it’s bread. What do you think is going through people’s heads when they pass you, sobbing, in the bread aisle? “Guess she doesn’t like wheat?” No! They think you’re a crazy person. Walk past the bread, grab the cheap stuff and move on!
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What? Monkeys, too? You’ve already folded up the monkey face placemat and hand towel. Don’t tell me you can’t see monkeys in the zoo now. Please stop lingering in the bed sheet aisle at Target. I realize there are adorable monkeys that match said placemat but they’re not making you feel any better.
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You need to play the Wii. Sure he gave it to you, but it’s not tainted with boy cooties and bad memories. Remember the fun time you had the night before Easter coloring eggs in between rounds of bowling. Remember watching him play baseball? That was fun right? So go have fun with it! Beat his high score. Delete his Mii if it’ll make you feel better. Yes that’s just one MORE thing you’ll have to delete.
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I think you should put the pictures away though. You two look way too happy in them and it’s hard to look at right now. Find other pictures to put in your cute polka-dotted frames. Take a picture with your blog BFF. One in which you don’t look like a leprechaun. Take a group shot with the lovely ladies you’ll see this weekend. Got it? And you can still enjoy the TV shows you watched with him. Just because he’s not around doesn’t mean that Dexter, Heroes and Lost have to go as well. Enjoy them. Please.
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For the love of god stop signing onto MSN. It’s almost 11 p.m. there! He’s probably not signing on tonight. Move along! What if he did sign on? What would you do? Nothing! You’d stare at his name and feel bad sending out imaginary vibes to make him call you, but he won’t. You’re wasting your time.
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Don’t take your shirt off. Yes he bought it for you but that doesn’t mean it’s going to burn your flesh. Keep it on. You’re in front of a window.
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You did everything you could. You rode out the relationship until the end. There was nothing more you could do. You fought for the relationship and stayed when many wouldn’t. It’s not like you didn’t try.
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Most importantly, let yourself feel whatever it is you’re feeling. If you’re angry, be angry. If you’re sad, be sad. Cry, pout, kick, punch a pillow. Do whatever it is that will make you feel better. Be gentle with yourself. You’re handling this well and it’s all very natural. It will sting and yes, bread will make you want to cry, but it won’t last forever. Let yourself heal. Stop getting angry with yourself for being vulnerable, trusting and loving somebody.
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It will all be okay.
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Sincerely,
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You.

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You WILL be ok! I know the process of extricating someone from your life, when they previously occupied so much of it, is so hard…but it ends, I promise. Fill those frames with pictures of a happy you, with friends and family, beat those Wii high scores, and wear those shirts that he bought you with pride. Oh, and don’t give up bread. It’s too delicious not to have around.

dear jenn – you are flipping awesome, and if it takes deleting his mii to get over him. do it, delete it!! if it takes stomping on his favorite bread, so be it. hell, if you have to burn the shirt, burn it. just do what you need to do to get over this little hump in this thing we call life. <3 alexa

Oh Jenn *hug* I wish I could take you out for cupcakes. This is what I went through with dumbass back in November, again in December and then at the beginning of January with the same person! I hope I have learned my lesson. Things will get better and sooner rather than later you will realize you can move on and things do get better and the flowers will bloom for you.

honestly dear – you are being SO STRONG. and youre so brave for just putting yourself entirely out there (even if “out there” just means writing it all down in a blog). youre letting yourself deal and we’re all here to be a sounding board and remind you that you did the right thing. i didnt have the courage to speak this openly about my relationship…so i commend you
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have a GREAT weekend. let me know what you saturday plan is!

Oh you are giving yourself such good advice, even if it is easier said than done, this too shall pass.

You are awesome. I love you, bff. I will give you a picture of Edie to put in a frame along with us.

i really really really want to come give you a hug right now.
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honestly, you gave yourself the best advice. delete the mii! and keep your shirt on =)
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seriously, so many hugs. hang in there!

Dear Jenn,
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Are you me? I so do those things too, but i have got rid of the pictures (because my friends made me).
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If you want to take your shirt off in front of the window darling, do it. Who’s to stop you?
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Never give up your TV for a man loss (especially not when you have impeccable taste), revel in finding new men to drool over (although not in Dexter so much because that’s a bit serial killer creepy).
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Know you are loved
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L x

I’m glad you manage to see the funny side of all of this. And you’ve given yourself some really good advice here.
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x

Good Advice! Listen to yourself!

Aww, it really will be okay. And I definitely think you should take his s/n off of your MSN and remove his blog from your reader. It won’t make the feelings go away any quicker, but it’ll certainly inhibit the chance for cyberstalking.
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And that? Was something I was terribly guilty of – and it was driving me nuts.
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So … I deleted him from everywhere. Literally.
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And truthfully? It’s helped. I still can’t stop thinking about it but it’s ten-fold better than it was.
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Anyhoodle… ::HUGS::

Jenn’s To-Do List
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- Delete his Mii
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- Hide pictures
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- Delete him from MSN
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- Give shirt away

Oh, one more thing: Take his friends’ blogs off Reader.

Good reminders. The hardest part is doing it!

Not to sound like a total jackass, but how old is she? I’m reminded of high school instantly.
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Although, I’m pretty familiar with the grieving stages; what did this fella do?!

Do not, under any circumstances ever check his myspace profile, especially years from now, because when you see he is dating a 19 year old, you will throw yourself into a serious tizzy. I may know that from personal experience. It will be bad.
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But you will get over this. It will take time, and it’ll be hard, but you will.

I can identify with this 100%. It eventually came to the point that I blocked him on AIM/MSN, removed him from facebook… just cut off all ties electronically.
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And yes. play the wii. B/c a wii shouldn’t go to waste.

What a sweet article that perfectly describes what you go through when someone has been so much a part of your life. When they are gone; so many parts of your life change, and it is hard to let it all go, and be whole with yourself again.

Oh Miss. Thing this ough to be addressed to myself also!!
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I swore off Starbucks and every place we might have had dinner when we broke up. Then my friend said “Kristen.. Are you going to start crying if you eat a sandwich at 3pm because one time you ate a sandwich with him at 3pm” I then realized how absoulutely ridiculous I was being. I still do the above but I crack myself over the head when I realize it.
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I would hear “our” song on the radio and instead of turning it off and crying I now scream it on the top of my lungs. It helps – I swear.
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You are so right about feeling whatever you are feeling. You need to feel to heal.
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I am sending you a couple of books so don\’92t run to the bookstore for any breakup books. I need to pass on what has helped me!
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Hugs!

the internet is amazing in its ability to come up with exactly the image you need to describe any emotion. is anyone else but me blown away by its accuracy?
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go with your feelings jenn. writing things like this too will help. it’s ok to let us know your sad and hurt. we (the internet blog world community) want to be here for you!

Dude. I’ve so been there. I think you know the right thing to do, it’s just not easy to do, so take all the time you need.

Tomorrow will be just what the doctor ordered (wait, what doctor? Who’s a doctor?) — moving on from my insanity…
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We will have hugs, and pizza, and pomtinis, and SATC, and gossip, and and and….
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COOL THINGS THAT I HAVEN’T THOUGHT OF YET.
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*hugs hugs hugs in the meantime*

god i know exactly how you feel. and the photos are so hard to take down. know what helps? my coworkers came in and took down all the frames and pictures for me while i wasn’t there and my mom boxed up all memories of him for me when i moved to my new place. not having to do it yourself helps tons.
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the internet stalking though? i can’t help you there. i’m so guilty of it.
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have you gotten that book yet?! i’m telling you IT HELPS. i PROMISE.
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xo

Moving on is hard to do. But, clearly by the looks of this letter, you know it’s a difficult, but necessary step. Good luck with it all … and I like Angela’s recommendation of deleting his friends from your Reader and Michelle’s recommendation of having your friends remove any remnants of him.

dear jenn:
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i can totally relate to this. i had a break up several months ago that seemed to…”go smoothly”. now things are hurting a little more [can't listen to certain music...irritated with his facebook pictures...].
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michelle recommended that book to me too…haha, i should read it…
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~amy~

I put away Jamisen’s pictures and all of our “memory items” that I kept yesterday… It was tough. But I did it… You can do it, too. Things will be ok for you, Jenn. Think positive.

*hugs* Because i know on top of doing all of those things? Hugs make the world a better place. Excuse my cheesiness but be sure to stock up from your pals. Seriously.
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And pictures of friends? absolutely.

That was a fantastic letter.
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You will feel better soon. This will get so much easier.

Dear Jenn,
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You WILL be ok. This was a great way to remind yourself of that. And you should totally erase his Mii. Totally.
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~Cheryl

This is a beautiful letter to you. There is nothing that will make it better overnight, but as the healing process continues, you will get stronger. You will be the “new and improved Jenn” when this is all done. And it will be fabulous, but there won’t be tv commercials touting your new and improved-ness!
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Seriously, you can do this, in fact, you already ARE doing this. I know its hard, but you’re doing great. And get those new pictures into frames soon! HUG

Yes, always play the Wii. Regardless of who gifted it to you.

i kind of didn’t believe people when they told me time would help, and i’d start feeling better soon, blah blah blah. i’m about a month ahead of you in this cycle, and… well, yeah, it does get better. you’ll stop crying in the bread aisle, anyway. bread might still make you sad, but i do take solace in the fact that i no longer look like a crazy person as often
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*hugs, hugs, and more hugs*

You can do it! ***hugs***

Dear Jenn,
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I have faith in you and you can do it.
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Sincerely,
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Katelin

That was amazingly well written. I hope you listen to yourself.

That was a great letter. I wish someone had written me that letter three years ago.
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Listen to your letter – it’s exactly right.
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Also, while it is hard to get rid of stuff they gave you – if your ex sends you a game called “Marry, Date or Dump” for the first christmas directly after your breakup and puts a tag on it saying “Just a little joke.”, light it on fire and cram it down his throat.
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Uh, not that I was bitter about that or anything.

I don’t like Angela.
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Don’t take me off your reader.
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I adore you.
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My friendship with is stronger than the postal service and can withstand more than bad weather.
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I know this is true.
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The gin in my martini swirled and told me so.
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In all seriousness, hang in there…

“The gin in my martini swirled and told me so.”
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That’s classic. I should do something with that.

Sobe -
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No worries. I won’t be deleting anyone. I enjoy you way too much.
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All –
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For the record, I’m not looking for a rebound. I just want to heal. He has a good heart..he’s just lost I guess.

That was the most encouraging letter that you could ever gotten. You are the best advice giver.

I thought I was over my ex-boyfriend, but nine months after we broke up, more than a year since we’d actually seen each other, I started crying because someone wrote on Facebook that she went hiking with him (just hiking!) and I realized that I have only gotten over him to the point where I can accept him not being with me so long as he is not with anyone else.
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That said, it’s the first time in six months that I’ve gotten upset over our breakup… so it gets better (kind of).

Listen to the voice Jenn, she’s saying all of it…and she’s saying it in that hilarious, bittersweet way we all know and love.

Jenn,
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Great post. So much easier to put it all into words than to actually do it, isn’t it. It will take time and as your last paragraph said, it’s ok to feel the hurt and anger. Admit you’ve been hurt, embrace it and let it move you to the next level…the better level.
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Hopefully you’ll be able to look back at this post and realize that you’ve arrived at the better level. I hope it’s sooner rather than later.
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Hugs,
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k

You are fabulous.

I didn’t look at my beautiful road bike purchased with him for over a year. When I finally had to move it, I broke down into tears…but eventually, a few days after the confrontation, I started to ride again. And now, it’s one of the only recreational activities that is purely my own – I’m so glad I picked it up again .

It’s hard, I know. That’s why when I left my last one, I gave him EVERYTHING of ours, and kept only what was ‘personally’ mine.
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Yup.. and it cost me a lot of cash in the end, but at least I don’t feel as guilty and I don’t have to look at all the things we did together as a couple like playing the Wii, sitting on OUR couch with OUR tables and OUR pillows…. it’s all gone.

I’m having a PTSD attack. Hit the nail on the head- hugs!

I actually came here via google looking to find out if deleting a mii cuases the high scores to go away (did it?), but then I read the whole thing because it reminded me of my own situation. It’s been 6 months. … and 4 days. I hope it gets better.

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