Rules every cat needs to follow

Things my cats need to learn

Knocking pens off of tables and watching me pick them up only to do it again is not a game.

Kicking litter out of the box then running in it so you can hear the cool sound it makes on the mat isn’t cute anymore.

Use your little kitty paw to cover your little kitty mouth when you yawn in my face. Just because you’re adorable doesn’t mean your breath don’t stank.

It is NOT necessary to follow me into the bathroom.

Doors are closed for a reason.

Puke on tile or wooden floors only. Avoid all carpets and fabrics.

No playing with bells after 11 p.m.

Inviting someone to rub your belly only to bite their hand is not nice.

Yes, that is you in the mirror, get over it.

No matter how cute you think it is, I don’t want your butt in my face.

Blinds are not your personal alarm clock. Don’t start attacking them at 6 a.m.

It is not necessary to walk all over me while I’m sleeping. If I roll over, that is not an invitation for you to switch sides and rub your paw all over my face.

Laptops, cell phones, DVD players and shoes are my toys. Little colorful mice, feathers and balls with bells are your toys.

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21 Comments so far

It’s scary how many of those things Calvin does too. I tell you, he could very well be a kitten in the witness protection program or something.

Funnily enough mine does all of those things too…as well as using the leather office chair as a scratching post and trying every trick in her considerable reportoire to try and get upstairs

But that’s what cats do. It’s their purpose in life.
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That and to constantly remind you that his affection is fleeting and dammit, if he doesn’t want to play/love you, he won’t.

Merlot has taken to sleeping on top of my open laptop during the day so when I get home I find random windows open, and gibberish written in IM windows. People think I’m crazy when she hits enter.

if only i could teach frankie & disco to read so then i could post this list around the house…
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and can someone tell me when the kitten stage ends? mine are both 7 years old and i don’t see an end in sight.

Oh cats. I wish mine would learn that it is unacceptable for her to shred into tiny pieces each and every piece or paper, paper towel, and kleenex left in the open.

Sometimes the cat makes me clench my fist. They really are little jerks.

I wish I could write rules for my cat and he would actually follow them… I’m pretty sure he understands english but just chooses to ignore me. lol (kidding… i think)

holy crap. NO KIDDING. the only thing my cats DON’T do on that list is puke. YET.

Most of those are lessons my dog could stand to learn.

In fact, I just had my house cleaned so that I could put it up for sale, and what did the dog do? Puke all over the living room carpet. Guess I’ll be getting that cleaned again.

you totally need a squirt gun!

Oh kittehs! LOL. Truly they have a mind of their own. Great list….I’ve been thinking about how much I want a little one of my own, but somehow I think it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to do so. Responsibility for something other than myself? Pssshhhhhhffftt.

I need to print this out for Cosmo. He’s off the hook lately. And he thinks we’re going to have a party for his birthday tomorrow? He better get his kitten act together if he thinks there will be Tuna!

My little dog Chester loves to ignore me when he is in trouble. He will just look at me and then look away like, “Pft, what the hell ever lady.” :\\ Such a little shit. If I’m nice and let him off his leash to run around, he will mind me sometimes and other times he likes to see how far he can trot through the complex until he knows I’m about to blow from anger.

Umm, I definitely agree with a few points from this list! My cat LOVES to knock the litter out of the box. And it’s no fun cleaning up..

This post is hilarious! my cats know not to puke on ANYTHING other then a wood floor because I brutally threw them midpuke onto a wooden floor until they finally learned. Now when kitty is sleeping on the bed she jumps down pukes on the floor then jumps back up to the bed to finish her cat nap.

Hilariously spot-on!! I just got home last night and HoneyCat was all over me. As in I kept kicking her on accident cause she was in weaving between my legs while walking. And she got all her black hairs in my keyboard. Biz.

This cracked me up. Oh cats - so cute, but yet so evil.

My puppy does that “OMG, is that me? Someone is looking at me! Mom!!! Get them! NOW!” thing in the front of the dishwasher and the glass door to the TV cabinet. It makes ALL of us crazy.
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The preference for carpets, rugs and fabric? It’s ingrained. Can’t change it. I’ve tried. You can give up early now.