Free and Flawed » Blog Archive » Seriously, where’s spell check?

Apr

8

Filed In: Geeky

Fortune listed Google at #1 on its 100 Best Companies to Work For list. My boss wanted some information off of their careers page so I stepped up. I took one for the team! But not before quenching my own thirst for knowledge. First I stumbled upon the Top 10 Reasons to Work at Google. “Silly Google, ” I thought. “You don’t need to persuade ME to work for YOU.” As I browsed the site, which I’ve never done before, I learned that Google offers scholarships and internships. How exciting! I checked to see if I met any of the requirements for either. Sadly I do not. This got me thinking though….even though I want to work for Google, I have no idea what I’d actually do there. So I came up with a list!

1. I could roam from person to person and tell them what a good job they’re doing. “Great memo, Ben!” “Loving the hair Sara!” “Hey John! Great Post-It tower!” I might even pat them on the back. Everyone can use some positive reinforcement, even Googlelites. That’s what I’d call my colleagues.

2. When I’m done commending everyone for a job well done, I could offer to organize their office. I like to organize and snoop through things. I’d be killing two birds with one stone and they’d reap all the benefits.

3. After that I could come up with some art for the website to celebrate obscure holidays such as PBJ day. Personally I’d love seeing two peanuts as Os when I opened up Google.

4. I could test out ball pits in case they were considering purchasing one. This includes, but is not limited to, trampolines, moon bounces, velcro walls, giant slides and bungee jumping.

5. There is a doctor on site at one of their locations. I could come up with crazy diseases and make sure this doctor is top notch. I am not opposed to purposely exposing myself to a dangerous virus. No sub-par doc for Google! I’m willing to get poked and prodded for some G-love.

6. I could say “google” in all sorts of funny voices and accents over a loud speaker. You know, just in case someone forgets where they are. And who knows, “google” may lull some employees into a calm, meditative state in which they create something truly magnificent. They’ll thank me.

7. I could be a pillow tester for employees who sleep in their offices. I’d appreciate someone checking my pillow nightly to make sure it was up to my fluffy standards.

8. I could also roam the building telling jokes. People need to laugh. Happy employees tend to be more efficient and productive. They’re also less likely to write “I hate my job/boss/your face” on a Post-It and put them on microwaves, mirrors or windows. I’d clean up the sticky residue if they did.

See, there are many opportunities for me at Google that don’t require some fancy college degree or ridiculously mad computer/sales/marketing/engineering skills. I’m a Jenn of All Trades! How many companies boast one of those? None! So Google, if you were to ask me if I wanted to come on board and monitor the security of your elevators, I’d reply with an enthusiastic “super fuck yeah!!!”

Unlike

Share and Enjoy:

25 Comments so far
Leave a comment

When Google offers you a job, please, PLEASE take me with you. I’m so good at trampolining.
\

\
Wow, seriously? Trampolining is a real word?
\

\
Nice.

my company’s headquarters is like 1 mi down the road from google’s company headquarters, so whenever i go out there for business i end up at a hotel with like 18 google employees. the ones i’ve met so far enjoy wine, i’ve learned

What a hilarious post! After they hire you, be sure to let me know if anyone needs cookies. I really like baking cookies!

How can Google not hire you after this post? Seriously, you’d be a clutch person to their office, haha.

Masseuse! You are one! Duh! They need one or another.

Nicole -
\
It’s always better to trampoline with a partner.
\

\
Alice -
\
Note to self: Bribe with wine.
\

\
Jimsmuse -
\
Ah thank yah! I’ll be sure to let you know. Though I can’t promise I won’t eat them.
\

\
Katelin -
\
Right?!

Jamie -
\
Yeah I could do that…if that’s what it came down to. I think I’d rather check pillows though.

This made me laugh SO HARD. Especially the first one about telling everyone they’re doing a good job!

Jenn, you can come do all that at my office. But I’m afraid I can’t afford to offer you a scholarship.

This was SO good.

If google hired me I would moonwalk from office to office. Top that!

Jenn, you make me laugh! #4 in particular.
\
But I think Maxie might have the edge on the competition…moonwalking *is* pretty hard to beat.

You actually got me thinking about working for Google and after a little research I found that they
\
a) have locations in many cities I’d like to live in
\
b) offer many jobs I never even thought of
\
c) let everyone choose a side project of their interest to work on and time to do it
\
d) I’d like to be a web crawler
\

\
YAY! Thanks for the Google idea!

Emma -
\
Great comment! ::pats your back::
\

\
Modern Gal -
\
That’s okay. I’ll still tell you you’re doing an excellent job.
\

\
Ben -
\
Ah thank yah Sir!
\

\
Maxie -
\
Google frowns upon Michael Jackson.
\

\
Gretch-a-sketch -
\
I’m offering confidence and comfort!
\

\
Vanessa -
\
Hey, anytime. Put in a good word for me! A web crawler? What’s that?!

Haha, I am afraid of being poked and proded, but for Google I would too.
\

\
Seriously, it is time for them to fix the spellcheck. If I was paying for this service I would have written a strongly worded letter by now, but Oh, yeah, we get it for free.
\

\
DANG.

If I worked at Google, I would never get any actual work done. I would be to busy taking advantage of all the cool things they offer employees. That’s probably why I would have to be a rocket scientisit or ungodly genius to work there.

Tipptalk -
\
It’s really bugging me now! Where is spell check? Why would they hide that?
\

\
Jessica -
\
That’s true…I probably wouldn’t get work done. Unless…my job were to not get work done…Eh?

LoL, those jobs would be awesome My sister applied for a job at Google I think. haha

You could be a lifeguard at one of the treadmill pools. Each pool fits one person and is required to have one lifeguard. They just sit and wait for a swimmer to come by. At least that’s the rumor I’ve heard…

Clueless Cat -
\
Did she get it?
\

\
Noelle -
\
I could do that!

Google asked me for my resume and then I never heard from them. Damn Google, why do you have to be such a playa?

I think it would be an even better company for hiring you.
\

\
I mean, who’s noticing John’s post-it tower now? He’s got to be feeling bad about that.

Hope -
\
Well that was pretty rude of them
\

\
Allie -
\
Hahaha poor John!

Apparently they also have a cafeteria for all employees to eat at…for free! And, every now and then, they’ll have “happy hour” for their employees–letting them stop work early to have a small get together.
\