Hi, This is Noelle from The Daily Tannenbaum. Thanks Jenn, for letting me be a guest poster today! I hope you are enjoying your time off. Since this blog is often about massage, I’d like to use this post to talk about my problem with relaxing.
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Let me be clear, I love relaxing my brain. I spent way too much of my childhood zoning out in front of the television, and there’s nothing I love more than a good nap. I even plan on napping when I finish this post. My problem with relaxing is that I can’t get my muscles to let go. I’m always clenching something, if it’s my jaw when I sleep, my shoulders when I sit at my desk, or my toes when I’m scared.
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When I dance with someone, I have a hard time letting them lead. Last night when I was in physical therapy for the ankle that I recently broke, my therapist was trying to get my foot to flex, and my foot kept fighting back by trying to point. When I get a massage, the masseuse always has to remind me to relax, and it feels like work to me to will my brain to let go of my back muscles. Back when I was a kid, I loved to go to summer camp every year. One of the girls in my cabin was a rock climber, so she would give us all back rubs whenever we wanted because it helped her work her finger muscles for the climbing. Whenever she did my back, she’d tell me I was the tensest person she knew. Since camp was my favorite place in the word and I spent the day swimming, windsurfing, singing, giggling and generally running around, there was no reason for me to be tense. Sure there were some boys I liked and they made me nervous, but even that wasn’t enough to make the muscles tighten up like a girders of a steel bridge.
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Now that I’m older, I have significantly more stress, but I think of myself as more laid back than not (knot?). However, I still can’t let go of those muscles. I wonder if it has something to do with my control-freak tendencies. If I can’t control the weather, I might as well control my muscles. Now that I’ve been thinking about it while writing this post, I’ve noticed my shoulders doing the upward creep to my ears and I’m trying to will them back to a natural position. As far as I can tell, there are only a few solutions to this problem. I can either try to constantly be mindful of what my body’s doing, and take more deep breaths, which seems to help, however briefly. I could practice yoga at least five times a day, or marry a massage therapist, or become rich enough to have a staff of people to constantly massage my muscles, or find a way to re-wire my brain to make it do more important things that constantly tell my muscles where to go. I’m not sure that last one’s possible. I suppose I’ll try to get the live-in masseuse, either by marriage or on staff. It’s good to have goals.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Noelle -
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This is one of the things I struggle with the most whether I’m the massage therapist or on the table. During school, I encountered many people who had trouble “letting go.” If I needed to move their leg, they’d do it for me, if I wanted to rotate their ankle, they’d do it for me. The worst was when it came time to work on their neck. People are very guarded about their heads and want to hold them up and move them for you – which in my opinion completely undoes all of the work I just did.
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Letting go is difficult though. Some people have no problem handing their control over to someone else and others, it’s a process. I think being more mindful about your body is a good start. You know where you hold your tension and how it affects you. Good. When you notice your shoulders rising up to your ears, pull them down. After a while, it might happen instinctively rather than you telling your shoulders to go down.
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You can also try some self-care. Shoulder rolls, neck rolls, wall/floor angels (I can explain those to you if you’re interested.) Lying on your back with your knees propped up and just breathing helps. It brings your awareness back to your body. And using your entire rib cage to breathe is also very relaxing and might release some of the tension in your shoulders.
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Letting go is a gradual process in my experience. When I’m the one on the table, I have to practice tightening all of my muscles in order to let them relax. Sure the massage therapist thinks I’m nuts, but they should understand what I’m trying to do. But if you do have a chance to find a live-in massage therapist, I’m coming over!
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(I think this is the longest comment I’ve ever left and it’s on my blog of all places. Lame haha!)
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I seem to have the exact opposite problem, what Jenn expressed as “No problem handing over control” to other people. I hand it over TOO MUCH. For some reason I grew up being taught to constantly second guess myself, so I act boldly and make decisions, but quietly inside and alone, I doubt and question every move I make and would rather let someone else do it for me. THEY will get it right where I might screw it up.
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Over the years I’ve gotten better at letting myself make mistakes and realizing they are ok, they are part of my journey. Maybe they are ‘wrong’ and I end up somewhere unexpected, but because they are MY mistakes, they are right for me because I chose them.
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Let’s have a mind meld or something Noelle and maybe we’ll each neutralize the others’ extreme tendencies.
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OMG! Me too! I have to wear a bite plate at night cause I clench my jaw so much and I have to physically will my muscles to just let go. So, I get it.
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I don’t have this problem, but reading this post made me think i have this problem.
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i am paranoid.
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Oh, I have the same problem. I am a big ball of tense and trying to relax everything that’s clenched just stresses me out more. I’ve started doing Pilates, and that seems to help a little. Plus, I’m so busy trying not to fall over that my mind stops racing for a few minutes.
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I want to fly to Chicago just to have Jenn massage me. Oh, and to drink wine with her. Definitely not to eat hot dogs. Maybe to throw marshmallows at ducks.
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