Hello, I’m Zarcoff

I went to Target today to buy a new litterbox from hell (Why am I buying it again if I’m so unhappy with their product? Because I only know of one or two companies making it and I’m tired of scooping up my cat’s poop)

I made sure to check online before heading out, a few Target locations in my area claimed to have a limited availability in stock. Limited meaning some, but not many and certainly not none at all. So I’m there, I find the pet supplies and notice there are none on the shelf. I look around for a friendly helper in a red shirt but find none. I wait about five minutes while looking at cat bowls and finally give up. I head to the register to ask if they could look it up. The cashier told me she could do it, but she doesn’t know how and to go to customer service. Unbelievable. I laugh and walk toward customer service. I will now share the following events with you from my perspective and the customer service person’s perspective.

My Perspective:
Me: Hi, I was wondering if you could check to see if you have any Littermaid litterboxes in stock. I checked the shelf, but there were none there.
Her: ::blank stare:: Um, we need the number.
Me: Okay, there was nobody over there, would you like me to go get the number?
Her: (She calls another employee over and asks if anyone is in Pets)
Other employee: ::blank stare:: Noooooooooo.
Her: We need a number but there’s no one over there.
- Now we all look at each other for a good 5 seconds -
Me: I could go over there and write the number down.
Other employee: I’ll go, I’ll call here when I find it.
Because that’s your job! A few minutes pass and the phone rings.
Her: Um, what was the name of it?
Me: Littermaid litterbox. It’s not with the litter. It’s the next aisle with the extra cartons and filter refills. It’s $98 and on the top shelf.
Her: Ummmmm….could you describe it?
Me: It’s an electronic litterbox.
Her: Is it Target brand?
Me: It’s a LITTERMAID litterbox.
Her: Um, would you like me to transfer you to another store?
Me: Do you not have it?
Her: (into the phone) Do we not have it? No. We don’t have it in stock.
Me: Nevermind.

Her perspective:
Me: Hello, I’m Zarcoff from the galaxy Nebunine. I am here in search of the Littermaidublar Cat Poop Contraption. Can you help me?
Her: ::blank stare::
Me: I could easily send my eyes over across the store to check the number for you.
Her: ::blank stare::
Me: Or you could send one of your minions of doom.
- wait -
Her: Could you describe your nebulizer contraption.
Me: No, I’m from Nebunine, the product I seek is a Littermaidublar Cat Poop Contraption. It is merely a box in which cats poop and then the box cleans itself.
Her: That doesn’t exist.
Me: I’m sorry, I must have the wrong planet. Please accept this Eff-off-dooh-hickey device as a token of my complete and utter frustration and disappointment with your company.
Her: – to a person on the phone – dude I just saw an alien.

I finally found the cat poop contraption at another Target location. I made sure it worked before allowing my cats access. We have at least a good week before this thing blows up.